Beth swore off dating in the hopes that time by herself would give her a sense of who she was. The alone-time taught her to never settle for less than she deserved and opened her eyes to meeting the man of her dreams.
Beth's Story
"I needed to be by myself."
I was at a wedding when this psychic -- or psycho -- came up to me and asked me if I was engaged and I said, "No, I don't even have a boyfriend." She said you are going to be married with in a year and I was like, "Lady you are nuts."
I had come off of this nightmare relationship of two years and was on "guy-atus," where I wasn't going to date anyone for at least six months. Looking back I always wonder why I let myself go through such a bad relationship. At the time I was 40 years old, I had three children, I had just divorced my ex-husband, I didn't think I was marketable. I had this pattern of settling, but then finally, enough was enough. I just needed to date myself.
I always liked being by myself and I am a homebody, but I learned to like myself a lot better. I realized that I didn't need to be with somebody, and -- even when I was in middle school I always had a boyfriend - and I realized that I deserved better.
"I kept saying, 'I am never getting married again.'"
I met this guy named Caywood, and I thought he was cute but I wasn't interested. I ran into him again a few weeks later at another gathering, and he remembered everything I said from the night I met him. He got my number and asked me out. I decided to go out with him, but I kept testing him and pushing him away. He just kept coming back, and I have really never had anyone do that. I didn't think I was in a place to be in a relationship because my life was in flux with a lawsuit, and Caywood was an attorney and lived in this great house and seemed to have everything going for him.
After our first date, he told one of his law partners that he went out with me, and she said she knew about my legal situation and told him to be careful because he didn't need to get involved with a girl with baggage. I mean, we all have baggage -- I just had a couple extra bags.
I told him, "I am not in a position right now to be having a relationship. I can't do this," but he was like, "That is absolutely crazy. I am in love with you." It was the closest thing to unconditional love that I have ever felt.
"Nine months later we got married, and no, I wasn't pregnant."
We started seeing each other pretty much every day. We both have children so we would have dinner every night at his house or my house with the kids. We fell into this great routine. We started talking about getting married pretty early on; it was just so weird. I don't know how to articulate it, but it was just something that I knew. The next thing I know we are getting married at the justice of the peace -- having a big wedding didn't work out for me the first time! It is really the healthiest relationship I have ever been in.
I would never settle for anyone treating me less than the way he treats me. If I hadn't taken the time to be by myself for awhile before being with him, I might not have realized that I don't have to settle. There is someone out there who will appreciate you for the person you are and not try to mold you or make you the missing part of their personality.
"My life has worked out great."
We live in this house with the kids, they go see their other parents on the weekends. It is a wonderful situation, and it had the potential not to because anytime you have a blended family, you don't know what to expect. Of course we have our issues here and there, but we make it work. I try to have some one on one time with each of the kids. We run errands, hang out, watch movies. Sometimes, with kids, you can't bombard them with a lot of questions; you just kind of have to be with them and then they open up and start talking to you about what ever it is they want to talk about. We have dinner every night together, we do everything with the kids, and on the weekends it is just the two of us together. I love Saturdays, he makes these amazing dinners. We wake up Saturday morning and go to the Farmers Market and we cook all day. I have finally found someone who is a homebody like me.
We all live under the same roof, we have all had to make some adjustments, but I think we are all very close. It does take work, but it is worth it.
