Being molested by her father made Kimberly a text book case when it came to relationships. But by shifting her anger and resentment to compassion, she was able to move beyond who she was and become who she is.
Kimberly's Story
"My parents weren't there for me."
My mom was off with this new guy, and my dad was cunning and clever and could manipulate people for money or anything he wanted. But besides that he was a philanderer. He slept with hundreds, and hundreds of women. I think he was a sex addict. I remember him telling me, at the age of 13, "Don't go to school, don't do drugs, don't drink, but you can have all the sex you want."
My father went out and tried to find love through sex, through women. He never had a mom so the only way he could connect with women was through sex.
"I knew it was wrong."
He used to try to kiss me, the whole French kiss thing. I knew it was wrong, but I never said anything because I knew he was messed up. I knew he was really sick, but it wasn't until he actually touched me that I knew I was strong willed. The minute he touched me I was like, "What are you doing?" and I pushed him away. I ran out of the room, and I didn't talk to him for almost a year.
My whole life I always said, "My dad sexually molested me." It was kind of a crutch, something to blame for why I had bad relationships, and kind of my way of working through it.
"Harness your anger in a powerful, but positive way."
I thought, "Why me, why did I get the crappy hand of parents?" Anger has been my toughest thing to overcome. You get angry and you bottle it up, and it comes out in rebellion. I am rebellious in relationships, rebellious in business. It has that kind of a negative effective on you, but if you harness your anger, you can use it in a positive way.
Once you get over the blame, you start to look at yourself, you start to realize you are confusing love and sex. Then you realize you have to stop abusing yourself because someone else abused you.
"That resentment just slowly goes away."
There is always that resentment, but it slowly goes away. Let the past be the past and not live in the past anymore. I have to remember that was yesterday and yesterday is over. Who I am today is part of that yesterday, but even though yesterday wasn't good -- my dad was a child molester and should've been in jail -- I was not the only one who had it bad. He took advantage of many young women, and he was just sick, he had a sickness. Maybe I can help people and teach them that it is about forgiveness and compassion.
"Use that experience to help you be compassionate."
You are a reflection of your parents, and your parents are a reflection of your grandparents. If you look at the line, you can see the dysfunctional behavior in everyone. Everybody has it and they lay those trips on their children. You really just need to work through it and be compassionate and understanding if you want to break the cycle. Even though you didn't ask to be born, you are still here and have to accept it. Use that experience to help you be compassionate towards other people.
I think that is why we go through rough times and have difficult experiences, because it makes you stronger. The people who have the hardest lives are able to teach people how to work through the hard times.
