When Erin's boyfriend popped the question, she let love run its course and said yes. But as reality started to clear her head, she realized that his enormous debt and substandard motivation to pay it off was a deal breaker for her.
Erin's Story
"We were best friends going through chiropractic school, and then we became more."
We moved in together and got engaged shortly after. I was really happy when he proposed to me. I thought, this is it, finally we are going to get married and start a family. I thought everything was a perfect little Cinderella story. Once the ring went on my finger, I realized this is not what I want for the rest of my life.
"I was naïve that he was in as much debt as he was."
When I finished school, I was extremely motivated and determined to get debt free. I paid my bills all through school by working at a restaurant, and I continued to work as a waitress until I grew my private practice to the point where I didn't need financial income from another source. I hard worked so hard to get out of debt that I was not willing to take on more debt when I got married. If he was motivated and determined to pay it off, that would've been a whole different story and I don't know that I would have ended the relationship. That was one of the huge deal breakers, and it took getting engaged and putting a ring on my finger to realize that he isn't doing anything to change his situation.
"Financially we would not have been able to have a family."
I want to have a family and want kids, but he had this debt hanging over him. How are we going to have kids and be able to raise a family or be able to afford a family when I would be the main source of income to the family?
"Breaking off the engagement was one of the hardest things I've done."
I had been with him for four years so we were really comfortable together. My family loved him -- they still love him and they still want me to be with him. We got engaged in November and I broke it off in early January, so we were only engaged about two months. I just knew it wasn't right and I wasn't supposed to be there.
I started distancing myself, and he knew something was wrong. I expressed to him that I wasn't happy and I didn't think we should be getting married. He was shocked, he didn't see it coming, he didn't know how to handle it. He cried, he got angry, he got mad, he was frustrated, then he got depressed, then he started going through stages where he just drank all the time.
"All of a sudden I was moving into an apartment by myself."
I had never lived on my own. I have always had roommates, lived with my parents, and I lived with him. I moved out from our apartment and moved into my own, and it was scary. It was the first time ever for me to live alone. Being alone was very difficult, so I would find friends to go out with and spend time with.
"I feel like I was extremely brave for breaking off the engagement."
Knowing that it wasn't for me, knowing that if I married him and had kids and then decided that I wasn't happy and wanted to get divorced, I wanted no part of that. I thought, it is better to break it off now before marriage and kids and be done with it.
He is still one of my best friends. I loved him for the person he was, not for his debt obviously. But the reality of marriage is that you get the person and all that comes with them. Since breaking off the engagement, I am much happier and I am in a much better spot.
