Melissa may not have any immediate family members on this continent, but she is far from alone. She's created a sisterhood out of her friends.
Melissa's Story
"Circumstances have made me reconsider what family is."
When I was 13 my dad passed away from a sudden heart attack, and when I was a freshman in college, my mother moved to Kuwait. I am an only child so I found myself completely alone. It took me probably a year to adjust, but eventually I started finding people I could depend on and building new relationships. I remember when I was young my parents would have friends over every weekend and they were like family to us, so I just continued that pattern when I found myself without any family around.
"Family is people who are close to your heart, not just people who share your DNA."
For most people, family is very defined, but I had to adjust my view. Family to me is someone who is very close to you and understands you and will listen to you and hug you when you are crying. For a lot of people their family will do that, but while my family has been absent, I have found that friends do that just as well. We shouldn't put up the boundaries that we generally do. Your friends can be one of the major parts of family in your life.
"It is hard to make friends as you get older, especially for women."
When I was adjusting to being alone it was so important that I took people up on offers to do things, even if I didn't know them all that well at the time. I had to adapt and be open. Friendship is a gradual thing, and most of the time you don't even realize it's happening. You are at work or school one day and they're not and it sucks. You realize that they are a part of your day that makes it worthwhile.
"I know I need people; I need a sense of family."
Friendship is all about listening to other people, learning what they are all about and finding that balance where you can offer them something and know that they are offering you something. It is just being open to a relationship. I have a lot of close girlfriends my age, and I also find myself depending on older women as mother figures.
"They have all taught me how to express love and how to be open to being loved."
When my girlfriends visit, we all sleep in the same bed. I have a full-size bed, and there are four of us in it sometimes. It is not sexual at all; it is just our way of being close. We try to pack all this love into a weekend. We devote all of our time to reconnecting, talking and bonding. It is less important of where we go or what we have to eat.
These friends have become my sisters, and there are no boundaries anymore. When there are no boundaries, you are safe to say what you think and trust that the relationship will stay strong.
"Families are flung far and wide. That means we have to widen our definition of family."
I spend all of my holidays with my friends, and everyone is always open to me being with their families. One year one of my friends came down and skipped her family dinner so that she could come to my Thanksgiving. It was her and my neighbors, no one was related, and we were all one big, happy family.
