After her divorce, Naava was left with no one to blame for her bad attitude but herself. It took losing a court battle and doing some hospital time for her to realize that she was her own worst enemy.
Naava's Story
"A year after the divorce, my husband sold his company for millions."
Even in my unhappiness and dissatisfaction, I stayed in my marriage longer than I wanted because I was really worried about the situation money-wise. [When my husband sold his business after we divorced,] I thought now he can afford to pay for the kids' college and he [disagreed]. This was the ultimate insult. After all that we had been through, after all the kids had gone through with their father not being there while he was so gung-ho on building his business, that he should not be generous and do what I thought a father should be willing to do.
I decided I was going to drag his ass back to court.
I had thought of myself as a quitter. I used to give up if things got too hard. Going to court was my spiritual journey. It was about becoming the best me by going through all of those obstacles. [My husband] fought me every step of the way. I had to face all of my fears. It was an opportunity for me to take a stand for myself, no matter what -- no matter how ugly it gets, no matter how dirty it gets, no matter how uncomfortable it gets.
"I used to joke that my ex-husband is a pain. Then I realized that was actually true."
Over the course of this divorce, I got very ill. I ended up having back surgery. Looking back, I now believe all of my feelings of being helpless, powerless, upset, angry and resentful were literally having a negative impact on my health. If I was going to get better I had to cleanse myself of all those negative emotions. The first step was just becoming aware of it, realizing that I was angry all the time, upset all the time. The next step was learning to express those feelings because holding back is not a good thing. I allowed myself to have amazing good cries and little rants.
"It was a four-year battle, and I did not win."
After I lost in court, that's when I got it. I just really got it. This whole experience wasn't about winning or losing. It was exactly the way it was supposed to be. It was a test of my patience and ultimately it was a about me finding forgiveness. Losing was the biggest win. I got my best self back. I got to transform myself from the angry, complaining, fault-finding woman to somebody who moves in a very clear, positive, joyous space. I learned how to laugh in the face of injustice. Life isn't fair. Even in the great scheme of how things should be, it doesn't always work out. The real test is who you are in the face of the storm.
"I am so much happier now."
Now, I just relax. I pretty much find the humor in situations. I laugh it off and, no matter what the situation is, I think there's something here for me to learn. I don't see obstacles or things that are uncomfortable as negative; I see them as opportunities for growth. I look to how can I expand myself and take myself to the next level as a human being, integrity wise, dignity wise, bliss wise, happiness wise. I enjoy who I am now. It's just wonderful and it extends into all aspects of my life. I have a greater love and affinity and patience for people and for circumstances and I forgive much easier now. It's very cool.
