4 Musts for Getting the Man of Your Dreams

"I had to ask myself, as a beautiful, successful, dynamic woman, what was I missing about relationships?"

I did a bunch of coursework to understand men and partnerships and what it took to be in a great partnership. I opened myself up and took a course called "Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women." The whole course is about understanding men. For me, because I had done a lot of metaphysical work in my life like meditation and yoga, this was more about being a powerful woman and understanding men and how to have a powerful relationship with a man. I learned so much, and now I love sharing it with others.

Get yourself together first.

Women know when they want to be in a partnership and they go for it right then, even though it may not be the right time. When you're creating a partnership, you have to be at a place of maturity where you are completely taking care of yourself. Sometimes women unconsciously get into "relationships" thinking that we're going to find something in the other person to complete us. But really, what a solid partnership is about is already being whole, already being complete, having your emotional stability together, having your finances together, having your nutrition together and being able to offer those things versus looking for them in somebody else.

Be honest about what you want.

One really great way to know what you want is to speak what you want to other people. We have to have enough self-confidence and self-love to really walk away from things that we don't want and be brave and bold enough to ask for what we do want without any kind of reservation. We need to be honest with other people and ourselves about what we want, practicing authenticity and truth in dating and relationships.

Learn to speak their language.

When a man is listening to a woman, which is kind of scary when I think about how much I talk, he's taking it all in. He's going to wait until you're finished before he gives you an answer. As women we're so conditioned to talk with each other, and we can go off on 8,000 tangents, but we'll come back to the point. With a guy you have to keep it focused, and figure out exactly what you want his insight on.

Men also speak in layers. When a woman asks a man a question, it's so important for us to wait, just be quiet and listen to what he has to say. It's in that quiet that a man reveals the depth of who he is. He'll give you the superficial, then a little deeper and then the juicy stuff. Remaining in that quiet place takes practice. It was difficult for me to do, just hold my tongue and listen, for the second layer and the third layer of what he was going to say, but it works.

Don't turn yourself into a pretzel.

My relationships failed because I was constantly contorting myself. I would find a man who had the basics of what I wanted, but then I would meld myself into what I thought he wanted, instead of remaining solid in myself. That was an unconscious pattern coming from the past, and after I did that so many times, I realized that twisting myself into something I'm not is never going to let someone know the real me.

"I am a lot freer now that I have given some thought and study to relationships."

I'm a lot more open to dating because I'm in a clearly open place, a more confident place. I'm going to try to understand who the man sitting across from me is. If this man is a square, I am not going to try so hard to fit him into a triangle of what I want. I can take my triangle and move on, and that's okay. It's a whole new world for me now, it's a whole new way of dating and relating with men. And it's a lot more fun.

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