What Women Need
Why do women stay in physically abusive relationships for so long if they are allegedly so bad?
The short answer is, they have no place to go and are protecting their kids--a woman who walks out forfeits custody. Ponder this: Across the United States, there are 1,200 shelters for battered women, and only 5% of them accept women with children. By contrast, there are 3,800 shelters for homeless animals.
The real answer is, although it's the most commonly asked question about women who allege domestic violence by their partners, it's the wrong question. It presupposes the victim is to blame for the violent crime committed against her.
"Battered women are trapped in a web of dependency and need support systems to get out," contends Sarah M. Buel, assistant district attorney and supervisor of domestic-violence prosecution for Norfolk County, Massachusetts. "The real question is not why they stay; it's why do we find ways to deny and tolerate domestic violence."
Typically, victims make many efforts to get away from violent partners, Buel told a symposium on domestic violence sponsored by Harvard University. But, lacking money, a place to go, and options for quickly supporting themselves, most are forced to return, and are socialized to extend forgiveness--one more time--to their typically apologetic mates. More than 80% have left five or more times.
"We know what works," insists Scott Harshbarger, Attorney General of Massachusetts. "Domestic violence is a serious violent crime. Why do we treat it differently from other crimes? We need to prosecute the perpetrators and provide support services that validate the victims."
Among the stark facts on family violence:
o Physical abuse is the number-one cause of injury to women.
o One out of every two women will be in a battering relationship at some time in her life.
o Domestic violence affects every ethnic group and socioeconomic class. (It is one of the deep dark secrets of the Asian community.) No background offers immunity.
o You are nine times more likely to be killed in a family relationship than on the streets.
o Battering may begin or increase during pregnancy. Physical abuse during pregnancy is an important cause of miscarriage and of intrauterine growth retardation, leading to delivery of low-birthweight babies.
o Physical abuse has more long-term effects than any other crime.
o In 70% of cases involving battering, it is the abuser--the husband--who gets custody of the children.
o When the father is the abuser, the mother is always charged with the crime of failing to protect her offspring.
o More than 60% of younger men in prison are doing time for killing the man who battered their mother.
