When Lynn saw how severely neglected her grandchildren were, she stepped in to take custody of them. But instead of feeling burdened by the enormous responsibility, Lynn's second parenting stint has given her a new appreciation for life.
Lynn's Story
"My grandchildren were so neglected they were becoming developmentally retarded."
My daughter has a prescription drug problem, and she was not taking care of her children. There would be all kinds of people in and out of her house, she had the children on no type of schedule, she would give them cough medicine to sleep, we don't know if they were fed regularly. Ebony, my two-and-a-half-year-old granddaughter, would diaper her brother, who was 13 months old, and make sure he would eat. She had taken on the role of the mother. Because I am a former police officer, I know child abuse and child neglect symptoms, and these children had almost every one that I had ever seen or read about. I knew that there was an urgent need to have them in a structured environment and have their lives put back together.
"Do I help my daughter or do I help my grandchildren?"
I had to wake up one day and say that I can't do both, I can't humanly do both, and it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. I decided that since she is over 21 and these were kids, children that had no one to look after them, that I had to focus all my attention on them. That doesn't mean that I don't love my daughter. I told her, "I can't be there for you. You are going to have to do this yourself because I am going to devote my time to these children. They did not ask for the parents they got, they did not ask for this to happen, they are the innocence. So I need to intervene for them."
"I fought for custody, and it was a long, expensive battle."
The hope is that someday we will get more grandparent rights, and the courts will embrace families taking in children. Right now, that's not the case. I felt like I was fighting against my daughter and the system. She was given a public defender free of charge, so she could run up all the legal bills she wanted while I had to pay my attorney. In the end, I really think my daughter and I got a fair hearing. I believe that they looked at all sides. But it took five years and $62,000 before it actually got to court and they were going to look at the situation. I have no retirement right now, but I don't care. I have two beautiful children who are going to be okay.
To have your own flesh and blood as the person that you have to go to court against and sit there and look at them is one of the most painful things I have ever been through. But I had to keep focus knowing that I had to save these children. I couldn't put them back in the situation they were in, I just couldn't do it.
"I want to them to have the right upbringing, and since they were biracial I was wondering if I would be able to give them their African American heritage."
I went to an African American police chief who was a dear friend and I said "What do I do, is this wrong of me to try and raise these children? Do they need to be in an African American home?" He said "Lynn, do you love them," and I said, "Yes, I do," and he said, "I think that qualifies for you to be the best parent."
What he has done for me and what other African American wonderful dear friends have done for me is acted as aunts and uncles and given the children their heritage.
"I have told the children that our blood is exactly the same color and nothing else matters as long as we love each other."
Isaiah, my grandson, came home from school the other day -- they refer to themselves as brown -- and he said "Mimaw, look at the top of my hand. It's brown, but the other side is white. I am both." I think it is wonderful. I believe I have given them an opportunity to identify with whatever ethnicity they choose to. I don't think that is my right to choose for them, so at school when they ask what their ethnicity is I write "other" and put an X, because I am not going to pick that for them.
"I think raising kids is easier the second time around because you don't worry about things that really aren't that important."
They go outside to play and get dirty, no big deal! If they wear clothes that don't match everyday because they choose to wear what they want to wear and as long as it is clean, it doesn't matter. I have a very stressful job, and I come home, and they don't care about anything except giving me a hug and telling me they love me. It is a pleasure to drop them off at school and get a kiss. They are teaching me about being tempered and what is really important. If I can raise them with love of God, love of family, love of country, I don't care what they do. What a privilege it is to instill those values into two little lives. I believe they are gifts and they continue to amaze me.
