As a young single mother to biracial twin daughters, Meshelle has her share of challenges. By leading by example, she is raising her daughters to be the women she wants them to be - and becoming the one she always aspired to.
Meshelle's Story
"I forgot how to take care of myself or do things for myself."
I have twin daughters who are now seven years old, and I've been a single mom since they were three. It was very hard when I separated from their father, but it was something we had to do. At that point, the person I was and who I had become was just a mom to the girls and a devoted fiancé to him. That was my life. I forgot how to take care of myself or do things for myself. I felt guilty if I bought myself anything. If I bought a skirt, I felt like maybe I should take it back, because maybe the girls needed some shoes.
"Finding balance can be challenging."
I've been working for the majority of the time I've been single, and I work really hard to take care of them. It is a balance to not only take care of them financially and emotionally, but also to take care of my health, my mental state and my desires.
When I realized that I needed to start taking some time for myself, I started small. I remember stopping to take a bath or a walk. I started to come out of my shell socially, but I didn't just dive right in to being around other people. It didn't happen overnight because I had to figure out what kind of people I wanted to be around. I need to be careful about who I bring around my girls and who I date - I can't just bring anyone home because that's something they'll never forget. There was a lot of adjustment involved.
"To be the best role model I can, I try to lead by example."
None of us is perfect. I know I'm not, so if I make a mistake or do something that contradicts what I tell them, my girls let me know and I admit to being wrong. But I try to set a good example by working really hard and taking care of the house. This is how I want them to live, and the way I want to live is the way I want them to be raised. It's not that difficult.
I didn't get to go to college, but I want them to know how important and valuable school is. As tired as I am at the end of the day, I stay on top of them about their schoolwork. Because I don't think I'm that patient with helping them, I try to communicate a lot with their teachers about their progress. A couple of years ago, I even enrolled in some online classes. The three of us would sit around the table doing homework together. I told them, "If you girls should go to school, so should I."
"Being biracial, the girls have had some tough questions for me."
My daughters are half black and half white. In the past, they've asked me, "Why is our skin black when yours is white?" Recently, the girls were learning a lot about black history during Black History Month. One of my daughters came to me one night and said she didn't want to be black anymore. She said that white people have it easier in life, and she didn't want people to hate her. For a kid, I think it was a very intelligent thing to observe, but it was very painful too because I didn't know how to help her. I told her to be proud of both sides of her family and to be proud that she is a part of her father. I reached out to whoever I could, especially the girls' dad and his family. I wanted to do my best to educate the girls and get them more involved with both sides of the family.
"Being a single mom has been the single most important, difficult and rewarding job I've ever had."
I have learned so much about myself it's amazing. I learned how I was when I was a child and why I acted out. I learned just how important it is for someone to be there for a young child and give them the support they need, when they need it, even if you need a second to figure out the right thing to say. To discipline them when they need it and be serious and focused about it. Being a mom is just everything to me. I've learned to be responsible woman, and now I have a lot more love for myself.
