As a professional psychologist and parenting expert for Pampers, Caroline has special insight into the behaviors and attitudes of young children. But as a mother, she has special insight into how to communicate with them in a practical, useful way.
Caroline's Story
"I'm a child psychologist. But when I'm dealing with my own kids, sometimes all the knowledge I have goes out the window."
When Isabel was first born and I was looking at her, my first thought was, "I have no idea what I'm doing." With kids, everyday is a new adventure. Every day brings new things. While my professional training has helped in those moments where I need to be patient, it's still very different when it's my own child.
"We sometimes forget that children's brains are different than ours - that they are still developing."
Because their thought process is still developing, we as parents need to keep things as concrete as possible. When dealing with young children, you have to keep certain things in mind:
1. Keep things clear, concise and simple.
Sometimes, explaining and rationalizing all the reasons behind something is not helpful. Your kids don't understand where you're going with it, so you're likely to lose them.
2. Have empathy for where they are at.
Understand that certain things, like blowing out the candles or seeing mommy leave for work or the first day of preschool, are really big and important in their minds. Try to see life from their perspective.
3. Schedule time to catch up.
Create deadlines and intentions for things you want to accomplish with your children, just like the deadlines you have at work. Make time to find out if anything's bothering your kids, and they'll be more likely to approach you when they are upset.
4. Use distractions to your advantage.
The shorter and quicker you can communicate about a conflict and move on, the better. Give them something new to think about by saying, "No, you can't do this. But let's do this instead."
5. Keep your messages consistent.
The more consistent you and your partner are together, the more that everyone will understand the expectations. If my husband and I are on the same page, then our kids are getting the same messages from both of us.
6. Pick your battles.
Decide what's really important and what just isn't. Because they are kids, some things are okay. If they want ice cream before dinner one time, it's okay. But when it has to do with their safety or good behavior, for example, then it's important to give it complete attention.
7. If you say 'no,' say it quickly and firmly.
I've found that when I say no, but I feel guilty or don't really mean it, my kids pick up on that. Learn to say "no" and mean it. In our family, we have a saying: "No is no." It's almost like a song - and for my kids, the bottom line.
Being a professional psychologist has helped me take a unique approach to parenting. It's helped me look at life from my kids' perspective. It's not always easy, but I feel like my husband and I are able to communicate with my kids, which makes me really happy.
Caroline Clauss-Ehlers is a nationally known counseling psychologist who regularly contributes to the Pampers Parenting Institute. She is also a Rosalynn Carter Fellow for Mental Health Journalism with a project focused on the stigma of mental illnesses in the Latino community.
