Sharing memories (sometimes called life review or reminiscence)helps older adults relive past events in their lives. By sharing memories,older adults can explore their thoughts and feelings about the past. Theycan put their past experiences in perspective with what is happening to themin the present or what is expected to happen in the future.

Usually it is easy to start a conversation with someoneabout past events in his or her life. Sometimes older people say they don'tremember much about their past. They may also say that what happened to themis not important, because they don't want to bore someone else with theirmemories. You may need to encourage an older person and let him or her knowthat you are genuinely interested in hearing about his or her life.

When people start talking about their past, they oftenremember more and more experiences. Once the person starts talking, theremay be little left to do except encourage him or her to explain things inmore detail or to ask questions about specific events or people.

To encourage an older adult to talk about the past:

• Show your interest in the person by sitting in a relaxedmanner, looking at the person, and nodding your head often. This lets theperson know that you want to and have time to listen.
• Ask for a story. Use an open-ended statement to encourage the person to share a story. You can say, “Tell me what it waslike when you went to high school (first got married, started your family,or started your business).” Using the words “tell me” letsthe person know that you want to hear a story.
• Ask for clarification about things you don't understand.“I don't understand what you mean. Can you tellme more about that?”
• Show that you are following the conversation by summarizingwhat the other person has just told you. You might say something like, “So,after high school you and Amy got married, but you didn't live together becauseshe was taking care of her mother and you were needed on the farm.”
• Ask how the person feels about the subject under discussion.For example, if the person has described a snowstorm that occurred when heor she was 10 years old, you might ask, “Were you afraid when it snowedfor 4 days and you were without electricity?”
• Try not to ask questions that require only a one-wordanswer such as “yes”or “no.”

Sharing memories and stories about past events may causesome anxiety or sadness for the person who is grieving. If you notice thatan older adult looks anxious or sad, mention this and ask if he or she wantsto continue with the story. Most of the time, experiencing an emotion helpsthe person who is grieving.

If the older person looks as if he or she is getting anxiousor upset, you may need to stop the conversation. You can say, “You looklike you are getting more and more upset (anxious). Let's stop talking fornow and talk about this later. You may need some time.” After you saythis, sit with the person for a short time to show that you care about himor her.

Sharing memories with older adults can be an enrichingexperience for both of you. The person feels accepted and caredfor. You may learn some things about the person that you didn't already knowand that help you better understand his or her reactions to situations, includingloss. In addition, the lessons you learn by listening to another person'sexperiences and how he or she handled them may help you in the future whenyou have similar experiences.