Both men and women can become victims of physical or sexual abuse. You are not to blame. No matter what you did, violence against you is never okay.

Physical abuse may include hitting, pushing, shaking, slapping, kicking, pinching, choking, strangling, or burning, or threats to hurt you, your family, or pets. Drugging you with medicine, tying you up, and physical punishment of any kind also are types of abuse. The act of violence may come from a stranger, acquaintance, or from a close friend or family member. Many victims of violence know their attacker.

Sexual abuse or assault (rape) is any sexual act done against someone's will. It can include incest (sex with a close family member), or oral, vaginal (rape), or anal (sodomy) sexual acts.

It may be hard for you to ask for help or talk about the abuse. There are many reasons you may feel this way. Abusers often use psychological, emotional, and physical abuse along with apologies, promises, and affection to control their victims. You may feel confused and hold on to the hope that your abuser will change. Your abuser may ask for forgiveness, make promises to stop, act loving, or buy you gifts. Along with painful times, there may be loving moments and happy memories. Your abuser may be a good provider or parent.

Once abuse starts, it usually gets worse if steps are not taken to stop it.

Physical abuse

If you are in a physically abusive relationship, ask for help. This may be hard, but know you are not alone. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you find resources in your area. Call toll-free: 1-800-799-7233.

Sexual abuse or assault (rape)

• Call the police immediately.
• Remember the assault (rape) was not your fault.
• Find a safe environment—anywhere away from the attacker.
• Preserve evidence of the attack—do not change clothes, eat, drink, smoke, bathe, brush teeth, or clean up in any way. Write down all the details about the attack and the attacker.
• Get medical attention. Even with no physical injuries, it is important to determine the risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and pregnancy. To preserve evidence, the doctor may do a special exam (called a forensic medical exam). If you think you may have been drugged, ask that a urine sample be taken.
• Call the local or national rape crisis hotline, such as the National Sexual Assault Hotline, for support, information, and advice. A counselor can help you through the process. Call toll-free: 1-800-656-4673.