When a surgery for cancer left Sara's husband completely paralyzed, the couple had to change every single thing about the way they lived and the way they loved.
Sara's Story
"The timing could not have been worse."
The call came when we were about to leave the house to attend a memorial service for my husband's brother. I had my coat on, but something made me stop and answer it. My husband's neurologist was on the line.
A test had revealed a cancer mass on his spine, and they wanted him to go to the hospital immediately. My husband was in surgery for over seven hours when we finally saw the two doctors coming down the hall toward the waiting room. They looked very intense and upset. The surgery had failed. My husband was left paralyzed. He was just a mess at first. He couldn't move. He couldn't breath on his own. He died three times that first month. His heart stopped and they brought him back.
"I had to completely re-arrange our lives."
When something like this happens, you get very calm. I was not at all convinced I was going to be able to handle this. Early on I dreamt I was wearing the helmet of a general. I believe it was a premonition. It was up to me to help save my husband's life.
This happened near Christmas time. I insisted [our family] still have Christmas. It was a very sad holiday, but I didn't want my children not to have that. So, while I am running between the hospital and the house trying to provide a Christmas, I also had to find out where our finances were, I had to look at suing the hospital, and then I had to find a new place for us to live. We'd been in the same place for about 20 years, but it was a 4th floor walk-up. I was overwhelmed. I couldn't imagine how I could possibly take care of a man who was paralyzed. I mean how does any one deal with something like that?
When something like this happens, here's what you do. You take each day. You do not think about the past, you do not think about the future. You must live completely in each moment. That is the only way.
"In sickness and in health, until death us do us part, those are not just words."
Before this happened, my husband was a very intense man. He was a wonderful father but he was also very hard working and anxious. Sometimes I would get frustrated with him because I wanted him to notice all the good things we had. Since the paralysis he's hardly ever anxious and he hardly ever gets depressed. He gets frustrated and sad, but he also appreciates life in a completely different way. My husband has a great sense of humor, which has really helped through all of this.
We just celebrated our 25th anniversary, and we decided to renew our vows. We had a party and it was this perfect night. I heard Japanese wind chimes, the same chimes I'd heard the day we got married. It rained for 40 seconds. Somebody said it was God's tears. During our ceremony, he promised that if he ever walks again he would vacuum and take out the garbage.
In certain ways our new life is normal. We travel quite a bit. We visit friends in the country. We share a lot now. We share books and we share TV shows. Sometimes we look at each other and we don't have to even say anything we just know there is this bond. He knows how much pain I am in when I see him in pain. We are sharing this together. It makes us very close. It makes us love. We see what love really is now.
"When very terrible things happen, there is a gift that comes too."
The biggest shift for me is the way I value the special connection I have with my husband. Before all of this happened I took things for granted. I took him for granted. I had no idea how strong our relationship was. I just didn't know. When very terrible things happen, there is a gift that comes too. The gift is finding that you are more than you thought you were.