Help Loved Ones, Friends Cope With Grief

Seeing a family member or friend struggle with the loss of a loved one can be difficult and often stirs a desire to help ease the pain. But knowing how to help isn't always clear.

While grief is a normal process that helps people heal after loss, the way individuals experience it varies. Shock and confusion may be present at first and then yield to alternating feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness and fear. Coupled with physical symptoms such as frequent crying, loss of appetite, headaches and sleeplessness, the grieving process can take its toll.

Talking about the loss helps

Respecting a grieving friend's way of coping - and the pace at which it occurs - is important. So is making yourself available quickly. Most grieving people want to talk about their loss. Bringing up the subject, even with a simple "I'm sorry" or "I'm sad for you," indicates that you are there to provide support.

Some tips on how to be a good listener:

• Allow the person to talk as long as he or she needs
• Allow the person to cry or be angry
• Allow silence to be part of the conversation

What you say is not as important as simply being there, but in general, do not try to give advice on how to cope, focus too heavily on your own experiences or criticize the person's reaction or decisions.

Offer to help with specific tasks

Some practical ways to help a grieving person:

• Deliver a meal
• Help clean the house
• Help write thank-you notes for food, other gifts
• Baby-sit or take children out
• Run errands
• Pick up relatives and friends at the airport

Some ways to offer emotional support:

• Share memories
• Allow feelings without "cheering up"
• Offer hugs if the person is receptive

Visiting a grieving person can be especially helpful in the weeks after his or her relatives and friends have returned to their normal lives, a time when their feelings of loneliness can be enhanced. Frequent, short visits might be best.