Amy, a competitive snowboarder, is not one to give up easily. When death came a-knocking in the form of bacterial meningitis, she decided she wasn't ready and lived to tell about her near death experience.
Amy's Story
"I thought I just had the flu."
I was at a lake and I cut my toe on a rock. My toe got infected and the next day I woke up with a temperature of 105. Then it dropped, so low it wouldn't even register on the thermometer. Something inside of me told me to stand up and look in the mirror. I was shaking, sweating, laying in bed, and something inside of me told me to stand up. I realized how sick I really was. My feet were completely numb, my nose and chin were purple and I had a purple rash across my cheeks. At that point it hit me. I was dying.
"I was by myself, but luckily my cousin came over to bring me water and Gatorade."
My cousin walked in the door and rushed me to the hospital. They didn't know what was going on but they knew I was in shock and that my body was crashing. I was very aware of what was going on. The nurse told my parents that I had an infection and they didn't think I was going to make it two more hours. They were more than two hours away.
"All of sudden the entire emergency room was surrounded around me."
One nurse started to cry and freak out. They couldn't find any veins. I was in cardiac arrest. It was really surreal because I could feel what my body was going through, it wasn't an out of body experience but I was disconnected. I asked this nurse, "Is this what it feels like to die?" I was numb. I think it's your body's way of protecting you, so you can't feel how sick you are or how much pain you are in.
"It was up to me to stay or go."
I am not a religious person, but I can say I am connected to a spiritual energy. At one point, soon after I was taken to the hospital, I was rushed into emergency surgery. My spleen had exploded. The doctors did not think I would survive. I was in a coma, but during the surgery, I knew exactly what was going on. I knew precisely what the nurses looked like and what the doctors were saying. I remember thinking: "I know they're here to help but I am going. I am going right now." Then, suddenly, while the surgery was taking place, I remember feeling as though I was in a completely different space. I was dying. I knew I was dying and in that instant I understood in the core of my being that it was up to me to make the decision to stay or go.
"I wasn't ready to die. I'd never been in love."
I remember getting really pissed off and thinking about all of the things I still have to live for. I did not care if I was going to look different-physically! There were so many things I wanted to live for; things that seem so simple but give me so much pleasure like the smell of a campfire and the sound of thunder and the taste of hose water when you are a kid. I wasn't ready to give these things up. I absolutely decided I was not done. There were just so many things to experience. At that point I was reminded that if I do survive, my life would be different. I had the choice of coming back into a life that could possibly be uncomfortable, something I'd never experienced before, or going as I was.
"I made the decision to stay."
I ended up having 32 blood transfusions, losing my legs, and having a kidney transplant, but for me, life has nothing to do with your feet or what you look like. It has to do with all these things I wasn't ready to leave and all these experiences I wanted to have that I hadn't had yet. I knew that it was all going to make sense. Just go through life, go through the ups and the downs and just flow with it, and it will all somehow make sense. I made a decision to live and it was up to me from that point on.