With time running out on her faulty heart, Margaret reveals what it feels like to face death and what it feels like to get a new lease on life -- literally.
Margaret's Story
"Accepted, now wait for the call."
Several years ago, I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy, which is a hardening of the heart muscle. I went online to learn what I could and discovered that [in order to survive] I would need a heart transplant.
It's quite an interesting process when you are accepted to have a heart transplant. During the waiting period you have to live with the anxiety of constantly worrying about when or if the call is going to come. You are given a beeper and you can never leave the house without it. And of course, you hope you don't drop it, which I did several times. Most do.
"We have a heart for you."
One Sunday afternoon, the phone rang. And the nurse from the heart transplant center said, "Margaret this is the call you have been waiting for...we want you in the hospital in two hours."
"It's like replacing a water pump."
Around this time, I got a wonderful call from [a friend of a friend] who been through a heart transplant. And he said, "Margaret, don't let 'em fool you -- it's just a pump." And I just roared. "You've got a bad water pump, and so you're gonna replace the water pump. And you don't really care if it's a Chevy or a Toyota or whatever. We're just changing out the water pump." I found that very helpful.
"After the surgery I felt like hell."
A lot of transplant recipients talk about feeling buoyant, feeling high, feeling wonderful immediately after a transplant. That wasn't my experience. My experience was feeling like hell. And then came those rehab people who try, ever so hard, to get you out of bed. And that was the last thing I wanted to do. They would say, "Margaret we're going to walk down the hall today," and I would think, "Right." It took me a long time to rehabilitate.
"To have a Hispanic heart thrilled me."
The heart that I received was from a man, a Hispanic man. And when the social worker came to tell me I was like: "No shit!" I was just thrilled. The man part was neutral. But to have a Hispanic heart just thrilled me. I have been in a number of organizations working with Hispanic people for years. And it was just a thrill.
"Me then and me now."
I'm grateful to have a life at this point on the other side of the transplant. Physically, to be able to work full-time because I love what I do. On the spiritual side, I learned through the process that it's this quietness within you that helps you through. Instead of striving, wanting, grasping...it's about accepting what is happening today. That has been the gift of the transplant: to learn to be able to do that, and to be still. And to take some time each day to just be quiet. Turn off the TV and the computer and the cell phones and all that stuff. And just be comfortable in the quietness. And to learn to be comfortable in the uncertainty that tomorrow might bring.
