It’s happening more and more. You look around in a crowded coffee shop, or in the airport security line, or at a sporting event. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is on their cell phone, or sending a text message, or checking their emails. There is now a term for this state of mind: “continuous partial attention.”*
To surf the wave of information comin at ya’ everyday, you can only be somewhat accessible and somewhat inaccessible. For if you dive too deep into any one email, your inbox will fill up faster than you can say, “I’m going crazy!”
You know you suffer from continuous partial attention if:
-You don’t have time to stop and listen to a random street musician playing beautiful music, because who the hell has time for that when you have 13 voicemails and 43 emails in your inbox?
-You dare to read your text messages while you’re driving.
-You can no longer sit through a 2-hour movie at the cinema because you're too busy.
The answer to continuous partial attention is learning to ward off distraction and be present in the moment. By taking the time to turn off the cellphone before important meetings, by having the wherewithal to be fully present when around your children, and by daring to take 2 hours to set your mind free at the movies, you naturally become more present.
At first it might feel like you’re being lazy or not working efficiently. But the research shows that one who is more present is better as a professional, as a parent, and as a partner.
Here’s why:
1. One who is more present is a better professional.
It doesn’t feel good when you’re in a business meeting and the person across from you is multitasking. You are trying to get their attention, but they keep checking their BlackBerry. How annoying! According to Tim Sanders and his book "The Likeability Factor," the way you make people feel is more important than how good you are at your job.
It feels nice to be in a meeting with someone who looks you in the eye and takes a deep interest in the subject at hand. As Maya Angelou said, “People never remember what you say, and they never remember what you do, but they always remember how you make them feel.”
2. One who is more present is a better parent.
I read a story of a little girl who was annoyed with her mom for always being on the cell phone. She asked, “Mommy when you die, do you want me to bury you with your BlackBerry?” The mom responded, “Only if I get a signal.” Our children see us in this erratic and barely present state of mind and assume that’s normal.
We best teach our children that information overload is not a positive thing. A wise one said, “Children don’t need your presents. They need your presence.” I have a mantra that I believe is a good example to set for children: Everyday of your life (no matter how busy you are), enjoy one beautiful moment, one delicious moment, and one funny moment.
3. One who is more present is a better partner.
The Buddha said, “You don’t learn from experience. You learn from your capacity for experience.” Usually, when one feels something intense such as heartbreak or sadness, he runs, flinches or hides in an attempt to avoid the discomfort. In other words, such a person lacks the capacity to feel. It’s a normal and natural reaction. But if you can stop, breathe, and allow yourself to feel rather than flinch, you will be more present and have a deeper sense of what it means to live and love.
The yogis believe that love is not just the good stuff. Love is high and low, up and down, happy and sad. As Kahlil Gibran said, “For as love shall crown you, so shall he crucify you.” Can you handle that? By being more relaxed in the moment, you will find the answer is yes you can.
*Continous Partial Attention was coined by Linda Stone
