Caring for Your Aging Parent By Betty Jordan, DNSc, RNC - Posted Thu, Jan 15, 2009, 5:14 pm PST

1. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 16, 2009, 12:12 am PST

I have a father that will not use his oxygen or his sleep breathing machine. He says it is pain keeping him a wake which I have listen to him and some of it is. But I also hear him gasping for air and when I mention this he gets in a rage and I went to my other siblings who have claimed I'm nuts and they will not help with any of this. My mom is in early stages of dementia and I pray every day that they put her on medications and the doctors said it is not that bad yet. She has me doing all the house work and fixing any billing problems and I do get results. But I'm tired and disabled. They think I'm a man and I have worn my body out at the age of 38 and I'm going on 48 now and it is mentally taking me down. I go to therapy and I fell it help a small amount. But the stress of taking care of them is making my health worse and no one gets it. I just want a nice warm house to live in away from their main house and to check on them daily. But at the current pay of S.S. Disability. And their stubborn ways which I understand some, but not all of it. My mothers doctors says she has many mental issues and I know this to be true but I grew up thinking she hated me and it was not anything she could help. I had to go get help from the years of damage she / they did to me. But I'm stuck. No one will take care of them and I can not afford to leave or could live with myself if something happened to them. My mom act like she can not vacuum the house but she can work in the garden "which I can not do because of my back" I did try but it put me in the bed on medication for 2 weeks. Some one help me understand the aging. I sometimes feel like selling everything I own and just move out of state. But my heart will not let me.

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2. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 12:32 am PST

Have some kind of contact daily with them. In person or a phone call. Especially if they are living alone.

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3. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 1:44 am PST

every bit of information is helpful, regards to this matter. thanks

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4. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 2:32 am PST

I have put ointment on my fathers nether regions[gonads] before I got to read all of this adroit advice!

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5. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 2:34 am PST

thank you it is advice and we need to help others

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6. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 5:41 am PST

The adult children could save a ton of money, time and frustration by calling a professional geriatric care manager who can refer them to appropriate resources and help them to obtain them. They can also coordinate services with professionals that are experts in their fields and make sure that all referrals are to reputable agencies. Time lost from work can be reduced and stress levels can be lowered by working with a knowledgeable professional. Check out www.caremanager.org to learn more

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7. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 6:39 am PST

I don't blame the women for not wanting to get mammograms. Besides being painful, you are exposing your breasts to radiation. Also, the pressure can spread cancer cells if they are there to other parts of your body. The way that regular medicine has pushed mammograms is pathetic. A good DITI thermogram is painless, safer and detects cancer growth years before a mammogram would pick it up. Go to Mercola.com and put "mammogram" in the search bar.

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8. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 7:13 am PST

What about when they become SO negative?

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9. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 7:14 am PST

What about when they become SO negative?

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10. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 7:21 am PST

How does one get a doceto to come to the house we are 89 and unable for over a year to get to our doctor Iam house bound and the wife 89 is the only one takin care of me Where Do we turn

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11. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 7:28 am PST

My biggest fustration is sharing the responsibility with my 5 siblings. Seams like I take on most of the responsibilities and when I can't be there for my dad (74 with cirrhosis) it's a burden for any of the others 'kids' to take over. We all have families and other responsibilities, but I think they don't like to deal with the fact that Dad is sick. When I try to a talk about it, they get defensive and claim they are too busy but I'm just as if not busier. Another one of their excuses is that they don't undertand all the medical terms, but I'm not in the medical field and when I don't understand I just ask more questions or look it up online. Any suggestions from any who is having the same issues with their siblings?

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12. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 8:14 am PST

My biggest fustration is sharing the responsibility with my 5 siblings. Seams like I take on most of the responsibilities and when I can't be there for my dad (74 with cirrhosis) it's a burden for any of the others 'kids' to take over. We all have families and other responsibilities, but I think they don't like to deal with the fact that Dad is sick. When I try to a talk about it, they get defensive and claim they are too busy but I'm just as if not busier. Another one of their excuses is that they don't undertand all the medical terms, but I'm not in the medical field and when I don't understand I just ask more questions or look it up online. Any suggestions from any who is having the same issues with their siblings?

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13. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 8:35 am PST

Preparing for the care of aging parents as we have learned is for the most part trial and error. We did not know some of the challenges involved. The most important issue is to get all the syblings on board with the care of the aging parent. In my case, it is my sister and I who are responsible for the care of our mother...my sister chooses to have nothing to do with the physical care nor the decision making. The next issue is to do your homework. Get to know the leagel aspects in the area where you live. Know all your options. Financially, it is costly. Workout the details before you begin living it.

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14. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 8:51 am PST

Your frustration and that of the adult children can be felt by the elder which ADDS more frustration for them - first its all the choices you put in front of them and then everyone's frustration that is verbally directed toward them. This can be felt as a heavy burden and so they say, "just do what you think." Don't offer more than 2 choices - sometimes they are in a state of mind that really just wants someone to make the decision for them. Elderly people feel alone - adult children try to avoid them - then again, when someone takes over for them they are getting their family to "care" about them. When you get to a certain age you don't care about things because you see the boundries of life and your life as you knew it is over. Have you every suffered with PMS and have a day where you don't want anyone to ask you any questions because of how it affects your mind - it feels so overwhelming to have to make a decision? Well, that is what it feels like EVERY DAY for an elderly person that has medical problems. Perhaps schedule your next appointment on the same day you want her to have a mamagram so there are no decisions - go from your office directly to the lab. My daughter thought I was being stubborn one day. I had to tell my daughter when she was trying to tell me what I should do, - "just because you think it - and speak it - does not make it right for me."

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15. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Fri, Jan 23, 2009, 9:05 am PST

My biggest fustration is sharing the responsibility with my 5 siblings. Seams like I take on most of the responsibilities and when I can't be there for my dad (74 with cirrhosis) it's a burden for any of the others 'kids' to take over. We all have families and other responsibilities, but I think they don't like to deal with the fact that Dad is sick. When I try to a talk about it, they get defensive and claim they are too busy but I'm just as if not busier. Another one of their excuses is that they don't undertand all the medical terms, but I'm not in the medical field and when I don't understand I just ask more questions or look it up online. Any suggestions from any who is having the same issues with their siblings?

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