For adults, the first day of the school year can evoke bittersweet memories of the hopes and fears, dreams and disappointments that were part of the school experience. Parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles - really anyone us who has kids in their life - can help make the process of going back to school a time of healthy emotional growth for children by discussing goals with them.
Explain the importance of goals
We all need goals in our lives. They reflect not only our aspirations but also our level of self-respect. If I think enough of myself to have a goal that I am willing to work toward, it indicates that I believe in myself. People who achieve important things don't typically just fall into their accomplishments; they tend to work methodically toward goals.
Accept the goals of childhood
Children and young adults tend to live in the moment rather than looking forward. So it is important to recognize that their goals may not be the same as those a loving adult has for them. Indeed, the goals themselves will probably change frequently. How many of us wanted to be a doctor one day and an astronaut the next? We gradually outgrow fantasies and begin to develop real goals.
Work Is Key
Teenagers in particular are not the easiest people to motivate. But if the child has defined a goal, an adult can help point out the steps toward achieving that goal. This is different than nagging. It is a matter of pointing out that there is always a route to achieve your best; whether the child chooses to take it or not is their decision.
Get past a fear
We begin to face our fears in school. Those we do not confront in school tend to plague us our entire lives. I'm not smart enough. I'm not popular enough. I won't find someone who loves me. Modest goals can help us get past some of these fears.
The student who doubts their intelligence can have a goal of taking a class that is challenging and, through hard work, doing their best. The student who is not popular can make a goal of developing one new friend over the school year and taking the actions to make that happen. These goals do not mean that fear evaporates but they can demonstrate that fear does not have to immobilize us.
Develop a new passion
My best times in school were spent in extracurricular activities. If the child in your life does not participate in sports, music, drama or the many other clubs available in most schools, encourage them to make a goal of joining one this year.
Find someone to help
We're all self-obsessed when we are young. Maybe it's what enables us to survive growing up. But if you can point out to your child that there is always someone more afraid, more lonely, more angry, then perhaps they can make a goal of helping someone this year. And that is a great goal that will serve them well throughout life!
My hat is off to anyone who communicates well with children; to do so is a special and precious gift. If we can persuade them to share their dreams and fears with us, they have a much better shot at reaching their goals.
The Principles
by Patrick Moore
Available now on Lulu.com, Amazon.Com, and BarnesandNoble.com.
