A few years ago, I wrote a book for Beacon Press that addressed how powerfully destructive shame can be when it comes to sex.
Whether or not the more conservative times we live in represent an improvement over the sexual revolution of the '60s and '70s is a matter of opinion. I would suggest, however, that feeling ashamed of one's sexual life is never healthy. Shame leads to isolation and compulsive behavior that can be self-destructive.
If you find yourself feeling ashamed or uncomfortable in regard to your sex life, you might consider the following questions:
Can I Be Honest About My Sexual Life?
We don't need to broadcast our sexual proclivities to the world but, if there is not a single person I would feel comfortable talking to about my sex life, I see a danger sign.
Secrets and lies are never the hallmarks of a healthy emotional and spiritual life. Try talking to a trusted friend or spiritual advisor about the aspects of your sexual life that feel shameful. You may find that simply being honest with someone else relieves the shame.
Am I Hurting Myself?
I endorse the philosophy of "anything goes" as long as nobody gets hurt. But I wonder sometimes if we really recognize when we are hurting ourselves. A sexual fixation that eats up my day, impacting my work and not allowing me to engage the people I love, is hurting me.
Am I Hurting Anyone Else?
Physical harm is not the only way of hurting someone. In fact, emotional wounds can be more lasting. I would suggest that you consider whether you are being selfish or emotionally dishonest in any way when you have sex with others. If you are an open book and consider the needs of others as well as your own, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Am I Having Sex With The Person I'm Having Sex With?
Many folks in long-term relationships rely on perfectly natural fantasies to keep their sexual relationship alive.
But if I have become so focused on my fantasy life that, when I am having sex with my spouse, I am really somewhere else, it can feel shameful. It is as if I am having sex with another person instead of the one next to me.
Do I Connect Emotionally and Physically?
If I am so attracted to "a type" that I focus on having sex only with people who physically resemble my fantasy, I may never experience the joy of sexual connection with an actual human being, complete with faults and interior strengths. Superficiality sometimes creates shame.
Whatever shape your sexual life takes, I hope you will get rid of anything that makes you ashamed and take pride in the incredible spiritual gift that sex represents. 
The Principles
by Patrick Moore
Available now on Lulu.com, Amazon.Com, and BarnesandNoble.com.
