I have never known a couple who didn't face a decline in their physical passion after a few years. It seems that two years into a relationship, more or less, is a typical time when couples are forced to confront the fact that sex has a shelf life. 

Of course, this is the moment when other aspects of a relationship come into play; children, home ownership, and careers can be so distracting (and fulfilling) that the partners spend less time focused on their libidos.

But do we need to let go of our sexual passion over the long-term in monogamous relationships? I don't think so but, as with all important things, sexual health requires hard work. Here are some tips for reversing the two-year sex slump.

Admit It - No one likes to acknowledge a problem, especially a sexual one. In my experience though, simply noting that the problem exists can take a lot of the power out of it. A simple statement such as, "We don't have sex as often anymore, and it worries me," can open a line of discussion and also intimacy.  There is no shame or blame in such a statement.

Be Open - The statement above will hopefully lead to a second one along the lines of, "What do you think we should do about it?" You and your partner may have a range of ideas about what could put you in the mood, from the silly to the exotic, but whatever comes up have an open mind to exploring it at least once.

Make Time - It may not seem very romantic to schedule sex but the reality of modern American life is that what we don't schedule, we don't do. There is no reason to be rigid about it, but you might have some regular times in your week when you make no other plans and actually have the luxury of erotic time.

Be Honest - For many couples, the two-year sex slump is simply a normal part of how passion ebbs and flows in a relationship. It does not necessarily derive from a problem.  However, there are times when sex has slowed down because of a fear, a worry, a disappointment, or resentment. 

The more honest you can be with your partner about anything that may be going on emotionally that dampens your sexual passion, the more likely you are to avoid an ongoing problem.

Get Physical - Our bodies have to be healthy for full sexual enjoyment. Why not find a joint activity that brings you and your partner into physical contact with one another while supporting your health? Many yoga studios have regular partners classes that are not necessarily erotic but certainly can be with someone you love. Dance classes are another logical choice for getting your heart beating in more ways than one.

I think so many of us are ashamed when our sexual relationships cool. This shame leads to secrecy and silence, two of the worst strategies for a healthy, happy sex life. We can all grow and lead sexual lives that are fulfilling - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.


The Principles
by Patrick Moore
Available now on Lulu.com, Amazon.Com, and BarnesandNoble.com.