Santa’s bag is a mixed one for most families, bringing both lots of love, along with some hurt feelings every Christmas.

For those who spend year after year fighting the same battle with an irritating family member – the uncle who only wants to watch football, the nephew who never thanks anyone for his gift, or the sister who criticizes every dish at dinner – perhaps it is time to practice one of the most effective but difficult principles. Acceptance.

Find it hard to accept what you consider bad behavior? Here are a few questions that might help.

Based on your experience, is this person ever going to change? I don’t know about your family but my loved ones (and I do love them) don’t change, especially when it comes to the little habits that really get under my skin.

If I confront them, they don’t change. If I get into a fight with them, they don’t change.  If I just stew for the entire holiday, they blissfully go on with their old behavior. In the end, I might as well acknowledge the fact that it is easier to accept people than try to transform them into who I think they should be.

Since you find the behavior of others so irritating, what about your own? I am far from perfect but it is ever so much easier to see fault in others than in myself. My first thought now when the actions of another person are bothering me is to ask myself if I do something similar.

Often I do and I think that is exactly what makes my skin crawl – I see myself in the other person. So if I want to avoid the dreaded label of hypocrite, I need to look at my own conduct first before making judgments about others.

Am I reacting to the present or the past?
If I have been carrying around a grudge based on some childhood incident for years, I am likely to find everything a relative does annoying. Difficult as it may be, I try to let go of these resentments as they often hurt me far more than the person with whom I’m angry.

So you might check yourself this year when a bothersome brother is eating with his fingers or talking too loud - is it the here and now that makes you cringe around this person or what happened when you were six?

What do I get out of my judgments about others?
Quite often when I find someone unbearable they are serving an important purpose in my life. If I felt good about myself, I wouldn’t waste time focusing on another person’s rude, crude actions. More likely, I am a bit disappointed in myself about something and it is easier to feel superior to the easy object of my scorn. 

I imagine you have, at least once, had such a person in your life – the friend or family member who everyone can smugly discuss. That person is fulfilling the vital role of making me feel better than them and forget about my own problems. 

Acceptance is not easy. I think the first step toward it is to get real about why the small things in life can be so aggravating. If we are all a bit more honest with ourselves, we will have a better chance at a conflict-free Christmas.


The Principles
by Patrick Moore
Available now on Lulu.com, Amazon.Com, and BarnesandNoble.com.