Healthy communication between people - friends, family members, spouses, or co-workers - is one of the hallmarks of good relationships.

Yet the tool that we use most frequently to communicate, the spoken word, is severely limited. As many of us have problems being expressive and truthful when speaking, perhaps we should look to other forms of communication as well. This is especially important when we are in conflict.

Try Old-Fashioned Writing
And I'm not talking about email, notoriously misunderstood with its emoticons and too easily sent in the heat of the moment. I am talking about really putting pen to paper and sending someone a note, letter, or card.

It seems Victorian but my experience is that writing by hand slows me down (especially with my handwriting!) to the point that I am forced to carefully consider what I want to say. And I take great pleasure in receiving a handwritten message from someone as it seems so personal in the digital age.

Look at Body Language
I am not an expert on body language but there are certain signals that no one can miss. Top among them is when someone walks away from me in an argument. Because I am a great fan of resolving conflict rather than letting it fester, my inclination is to follow them but I have come to learn that people need time to think and calm down. Refusing to let someone escape from an argument and pursuing them is a kind of emotional assault that benefits neither party.

Body Contact
I come from a family of few words but great emotions.  It is particularly difficult for my parents to express what they are feeling on significant occasions. In those moments, my father will sometimes grip my shoulder or even hold my hand. My mother likes to just be next to me. Earlier in life, this somehow seemed too intense, and I had a tendency to pull away. Now I wouldn't miss the pleasure of my father's hand in mine or my mother's presence sitting close to me.

Photographs
I can be lazy about taking photographs and even lazier about transferring them into a photo album once they have been printed. But one of the great advances of digital technology has been to store, sort, and share images.

So I am trying to be more diligent about capturing important moments in my life. When I am caught up in the moment, I seldom discuss the significance of what is happening and appreciate reflecting back on those moments by looking at photographs with my friends and family. No words are necessary.

In a relentlessly communicative world, I worry that we actually communicate less and less. A healthy emotional life depends upon communication so insist on quality rather than quantity when it comes to connecting with others.


The Principles
by Patrick Moore
Available now on Lulu.com, Amazon.Com, and BarnesandNoble.com.