I am a firm believer that not everyone needs a romantic relationship to have a happy and fulfilling life. Having said that, most people I know say that they want a relationship. They also seem to dislike the process of dating.

I think honesty is the key to healthy dating; the kind of dating that raises our self-esteem and leads us toward supportive relationships. 12th street jam has just completed a new video series in which we interview people about dating, and I was delighted to find people who, for better or worse, were really honest about their experiences.  

Here are some tips about honesty and dating:

Be Honest About Your Goals
Just like an employer looking for a new hire, you have some clear goals and responsibilities you are looking for in a mate. If we don't take the time to figure out what we really want, it is pretty difficult to find a partner who can fully share in our life.  Do you want children? Do you want monogamy? Do you even really want a serious relationship? I don't think there are right or wrong answers to these questions but there are honest ones.

Be Honest About Who You Are
I know that I have tried to be someone other than who I really am on dates because of fear of rejection. But even if I convince my date that I am the persona I have adopted (more successful, more secure, more carefree) that person is going to be in for a surprise somewhere down the line when my real story comes out. Being as honest as possible upfront is really healthier for both of us.

Be Honest About Sex
We waste a lot of time trying to pretend that we don't know what we enjoy sexually or, even worse, being ashamed of it.  For many people, sex is a part of dating and both parties can find sex a lot more enjoyable if they communicate their likes and dislikes. That doesn't mean that sexual relationships can't evolve but it gives a starting point for a respectful and honest sexual connection.

Be Honest About Vulnerabilities
When I am getting to know someone, there is a pretty good chance that I am going to get my feelings hurt or hurt the other person's feelings. This isn't necessarily because either one of us is cruel but just because we don't know one another's vulnerabilities. The more honest I can be when my feelings get hurt, the better chance I have of continuing the relationship and giving the other person a shot at really knowing me.

These tips may seem naïve or unrealistic to some, especially those who have had bad experiences dating. But I know they eventually worked for me during the dating process and helped me find that special person just right for me.


The Principles
by Patrick Moore
Available now on Lulu.com, Amazon.Com, and BarnesandNoble.com.