The new symbol of the midlife crisis is not a red Porsche convertible, but a sandwich. Between delaying children until their 30s and having more time with parents because of modern medicine's advancements, many baby boomers are finding themselves caught in the middle of their older children and their aging parents.
We call them the sandwich generation.
That's right, freedom and the opportunity to reevaluate your life mid-journey have been replaced by a second helping of responsibility and the feeling that you might be caught between a rock and a hard place.
Caretaking is taking the place of the economic and social freedoms that many boomers anticipated at middle-age. New travels, revitalized intimacy and more free time are just some of the storied benefits of an empty nest. However, 20% of households are estimated to be facing the simultaneous responsibility of guiding children through an extended adolescence and taking care of elderly parents. And guess what's getting lost in the sandwich shuffle? The relationship.
You can't kick out the kids or refuse your own parents, so making this reality work means giving your relationship priority.
You have to put your spouse at the top of your list -- before children and parents. No guilt! This is supposed to be your time together. You've worked hard for it and there should be no second thoughts about making your relationship the priority. Naturally, this is easier said than done. When your college student is asking to borrow the car again and your mother has a doctor's appointment that lasts half the afternoon, your needs can seem like a luxury. But I tell my patients everyday that it's a must to establish clear boundaries with those who depend on you and to make time for your love relationship.
Whether it's for a weekend or a few hours, you need time away from it all as a couple. Expect your children to pitch-in and clean up after themselves. Plan a romantic dinner for early in the evening by making use of professional caretaking services or a trusted relative for elderly parents. It will be comforting to know that your loved ones are getting the care they need, while you get some much-needed quality time together.
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