601. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Thu, Mar 01, 2007, 8:39 pm PST

Comment on Children are not the center of the universe. It is so true. Your heart should be the center of the universe, because at the end of the day when you lay down to sleep, the person next to you should make you feel complete, secure, and you should be ultimately in love with them. To many couples put alot of emphasis on the children, which is find, but what about their hearts...it is as important as their kids, but in a different realm......

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602. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Sun, Mar 25, 2007, 5:40 am PDT

I don't think the Dr. was intending to tell people to ignore their children and leave them alone so you can go screw at any time. I think she was just saying that you should make sure that when you have a chance you take care of each other’s needs you should. This goes both ways; don't neglect your children because you want to take care of your spouse but don't neglect your spouse because you want to take care of your children either. It's not hard to do. My wife and I Spend quality time together everyday. We also spend quality time with our daughters. We both make sure that we spend one-on-one time with our children, and we also spend a lot of time doing things as a family. My two daughters are 3yrs and 19mths. When we have my 19MO, she does need more TLC and she does need more attention. But we do make time for each other. We don't have a problem showing our affection for one another with our children around. Of course it's kept to a minimum ... sometimes we get a little playful but it's never anything that our children shouldn't see. We also make sure we have time alone to our selves. We have a decent 8:30 - 9pm bedtime for our children so that we have time for each other and for ourselves. And once we go to bed at night our door is closed but not locked. We spend time cooking together or watching TV curled up in each others arms. Personally, there is nothing better than having my wife leaning on me wrapped in my arms with my daughters sitting on my lap playing. The best time of the day is when we both first wake up together. We’ll go sit outside and have coffee and just sit and talk. – To sum this up I don’t think she meant it the way some of you have taken it. I think she just meant that you do need to give your children freedom to do things on their own and to make sure you keep working on your relationship. Take it from a man whose childhood is still slightly bitter to remember because to his parents didn’t spend enough energy on eachother and it turned to resentment on all three sides. - Thanx - Tony

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603. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Thu, Apr 19, 2007, 9:30 am PDT

So true this article is. I have always thought and felt that when I have kids, I would never try to be one of those moms out there that try to get their kid into princeton as soon as they come out of the womb. I mean kids they have their own lives and own pursuits. Just simply asking them what activities they wish to get involved in or making suggestions of things they may like will also reclaim a parent's bond. Because I think the main problem with marriages and partner's bonds being so weak is the sheer fact that one parent is all domineering and thinking the kid should live that parent's dreams instead of the child's own. While the other parent is just asorbing all this in and firing back by saying the kid will need this and this to get into a good school. Don't get me wrong here, I would love for my kids to get into a good school and I do have dreams I haven't achieved yet either. But by any means your child should never be a product of what you never got to do in school or what you wished you could have been. Besides that, kids need to learn to make their own decisions. If they come to you asking for some guidance give it, but only after they have spoken their idea of what they want. Both parents should be present when having this talk. So everyone can get their views on the table and no one is saying well when did you guys have this talk, I wasn't home for this or that. This will also make the bond tighter with your partner as well. Because the more you communicate together with them about what things the child wants and what you both want for the child. There is a more healthier bond there. No one is outside of the loop and everyone can go on their merry way without all the arguments of I hate you for not letting me do this, or why didn't you just let the kid decide in the first place. But another thing too with being a good parent. You can't let your kids run over you either. I mean if they don't get their way let them know why they aren't getting it and if suitable punishment is needed, both parents should agree to it. That also builds a bond. Because if the parents are on the same wavelength then again no one is out of the loop and feel as frustrated as the child. Another thing to build a tighter bond and a better relationship with partner and child, don't spoil your kids. I say an allowance is enough and a small amount, and only increase it as they get older. Because kids need to learn the value of a dollar and not the fact if they whine to mommy or daddy one of them will give in and get them the new toy they were going to get for their bday or christmas anyway. It all goes back to communication, if everyone is communicating then they are on the right track to a healthy start to any relationship with a partner or a child in their lives.

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604. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Mon, Jul 30, 2007, 8:04 am PDT

The marriage is the foundation of the family. If you neglect the foundation you end up with a broken family- that is the point. No one said to neglect your children! Your spouses needs do NOT take the same volume of time that a childs needs require. However, just because it doesn't take long doesn't mean it isn't important. It is vital to the health and well being of the entire family to maintain the loving relationship that created it! Thank you Dr. Laura! Also, kids do NOT have to participate in every activity under the sun to grow up healthy and well adjusted. Happy and well adjusted parents know when to say enough is enough and limit some of those activites. We have three boys- they may each have one extra curricular activity at a time. Also, my wife and I are not above taking a quick nap ;) behind a locked door when the mood is right, or sending the kids to bed early for a longer engagement. Works for us, we've been married 21 years this fall, and our boys are ages 10, 13, and 15. Also, we are regularly complemented on our sons who we love dearly.

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