By Dr. Laura Berman Provided by: The Berman Center

The Art of Intimacy

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids! Posted Tue, Jan 23, 2007, 11:26 am PST

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  • 1. Posted by blondonbottom on Tue, Jan 23, 2007, 11:55 am PST

    Amen, Doc! Words to live by.

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  • 2. Posted by blondonbottom on Tue, Jan 23, 2007, 4:01 pm PST

    My ex and I split over this exact issue. So sad.

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  • 3. Posted by diggingfrgold on Tue, Jan 23, 2007, 7:31 pm PST

    I'm glad this advice is from a Dr. All of my friends are "super moms", they have their children enrolled in every sport on the planet, ect... I was the mom that enrolled my kids in one sport at a time. I thought there was something wrong with me for not filling up every minute of my day with my children. When I'm at home with my husband we take care of each other first and then it's the kids...Sometimes all he has to do is give me that look, kids or no kids we'll run upstairs and lock our bedroom door. Or on occasions we like to cook together. I can see the contentment in my childrens eyes. They just feel secure seeing their mom and dad respecting, and loving each other. Of course it's not all sunshine all the time, but I also think a disagreement here or there is just as healthy. If it's not broke don't fix it. coco

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  • 4. Posted by blondonbottom on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 4:33 am PST

    Coco, that was touching. Thanks for sharing yours and your husband's wisdom. Your kids are lucky!

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  • 5. Posted by Divinagracia G on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 5:25 am PST

    Ouch!!!...guilty....my children are the center of my universe...they're my top priority especially when they were still little, that's why my husband accused me before that I have neglected him...that was the time when our problems started. But now that they are a little older and have their own interests outside our home, being teenagers and all, well I can honestly say that I have refocused. God should be first, second, the spouse and after that the kids. DFG, you are right, children are happier and more contented if they see that their parents are loving and respecting each other and "nurturing the passionate connection".

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  • 6. Posted by Divinagracia G on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 5:39 am PST

    #3 - Hi coco, what do you mean by "if it's not broke don't fix it", please elaborate further (pardon me, I'm not good in understanding cliches), I really love reading your insights, thank you.

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  • 7. Posted by Divinagracia G on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 5:42 am PST

    'night......zzzzngork.

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  • 8. Posted by diggingfrgold on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 5:49 am PST

    diviine and mygrace, thanks, but your right as well on when the kids are little. I forgot about that, when my kids were babies and toddlers I would have to say I gave much more attention to them than I did to my husband. I remember to stay sane at that point in our marriage, we did everything separate so each of us could have some alone time to recharge our batteries for the next round of caregiving with the children..Every once and a great while we would find the time to have a date together, but back then, if we were able to get out we were too tired to do anything.lol...have a great day, coco

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  • 9. Posted by diggingfrgold on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 5:54 am PST

    6 diviine- on #3, who knows what I say sometimes, my only excuse on that one was it was about 1:00AM and I tend to get a little distrait,(spacey) so to speak.. coco

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  • 10. Posted by Grace on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 5:56 am PST

    coco-your comment was touching and I totally agree!

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  • 11. Posted by Scott on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 6:49 am PST

    Neglecting the ones who are close is something we all need to pay attention to. The point is to not get so wrapped up in the children that you neglect your spouse. Don't forget your friends either. If I don't show up at my friends houses for a while they wonder what is up and I usually get asked what I've been up to because I have been missed. Children and Spouse get top priority but friends are good too. We as people need others. We need a love whether it comes from our lover ( a true favorite) or a child ( which is also a great form of love) or our friends ( we love our friends too)Love is what we need mostly. Everyone needs it. Now go love on that lucky person everyone. Give um some lovin!!!!!!

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  • 12. Posted by gilteeegirl on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 7:42 am PST

    Yeah... and your friends start to wonder about ya when you don't e-mail them!!! LMAO!! (SCOTT!!!!)

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  • 13. Posted by gilteeegirl on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 7:43 am PST

    It was only for 2 days... so I forgive you!! LOL (this time... just don't let it happen again!)

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  • 14. Posted by hunk on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 8:37 am PST

    yeah GTG-wheres my email-guess all that office work we did meant nothing to you-lmao

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  • 15. Posted by gilteeegirl on Wed, Jan 24, 2007, 8:52 am PST

    hunk!! I'm a "love 'em and leave 'me" kind of girl.... sorry!! (it was good though!!! LOL)

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