By Dr. Laura Berman Provided by: The Berman Center

The Art of Intimacy

How to Argue...and Actually Improve Your Health Posted Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 4:37 pm PDT

Showing 1-15 of 266 Comments

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  • 1. Posted by H.L.K. on Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 5:13 pm PDT

    Thank you.

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  • 2. Posted by JAIDA L on Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 5:49 pm PDT

    thank you it was like fate or something for me to find this artical

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  • 3. Posted by nascar_girl5@sbcglobal.net on Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 7:35 pm PDT

    just smile,and talk softly,and don't argue about anything, just say ok, to everything and he'l feel like a sap!!!

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  • 4. Posted by cabuco@sbcglobal.net on Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 7:52 pm PDT

    exactly my point of view which my better half refuse to understand. i just showed her your "how to argue..." because when i have something to share about my feelings towards anything she refuses to comment either agree nor disagree. when asked forcibly to comment it would be a anything but the feeling i had. never had we agreed on anything anymore, mostly unfinished argument that will linger on in my head but seems unimportant to her. how can i make her read this article...

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  • 5. Posted by Sokolo on Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 7:58 pm PDT

    What I find helps is that I express how I feel in as unemotional terms as possible, then I leave the room for just a few minutes to let my boyfriend have a chance to process without feeling so attacked or on the spot. Then I come back, make sure to physically connect with him in a pretty neutral way (hand on the shoulder or forearm), and ask him what he thinks. Whatever he says, I try to accept, even if it's not what I want to hear. If you get to the point where he can trust you won't flip out, then most guys are pretty honest and open. You both might not agree in the end, but everyone gets to feel like they've said their piece.

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  • 6. Posted by lady jade on Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 8:23 pm PDT

    i want more advice..pls...urs is too nice.great! eep up.

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  • 7. Posted by suzi r on Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 9:26 pm PDT

    the best part of arguing{fight}is the making up that truly brings longevity to a relationship

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  • 8. Posted by edgarjeffries on Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 10:09 pm PDT

    yes, i do think that we should fight to love and not just fight to win. we must focus on what's right and not who's right.we must also be courageous and faithful enough to reveal our true feelings. this way we will not merely let of steam, but we will make our souls an open book.

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  • 9. Posted by edgarjeffries on Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 10:09 pm PDT

    yes, i do think that we should fight to love and not just fight to win. we must focus on what's right and not who's right.we must also be courageous and faithful enough to reveal our true feelings. this way we will not merely let of steam, but we will make our souls an open book.

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  • 10. Posted by dignfrgold on Fri, Oct 12, 2007, 10:53 pm PDT

    When I was in my early 20's I would fight to win, as I matured, I learned to put myself in the other person's shoes and really try to fix the problem without downgrading my husband, or any other person I have an issue with. What I know for sure is that I've never been the silent type. I'm a "nip it in the bud", kind of girl....bring it...LOL!

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  • 11. Posted by bartendersgirl on Sat, Oct 13, 2007, 12:54 am PDT

    I tend to get very quiet when I'm hurt or angry, as I do not want to say something I'll be sorry for saying later. But I find that saying, "Our relationship is more important to me than proving my point"-it usually instantly diffuses the moment, lets me go have a quiet time to control my tongue, and usually sends my sweetheart to me in a loving gentle manner with the "anger or resentment" already forgotten.

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  • 12. Posted by k_deswal on Sat, Oct 13, 2007, 2:52 am PDT

    to improve your health daily drink lot of water and go for walk daily early in the morning .or do yoga daily and use more and more green vegetable.

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  • 13. Posted by gilteeegirl on Sat, Oct 13, 2007, 5:12 am PDT

    I love to argue and debate... but I don't like a real fight... and I'll do almost anything to get out of one!! (unless I start it!! LOL)

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  • 14. Posted by gilteeegirl on Sat, Oct 13, 2007, 5:22 am PDT

    Years ago, one of my boyfriends had a mother who used the silent treatment for WEEKS when she had a fight with her husband.. she would not talk to her husband.. nor her kids... only to friends!!! HE started doing that also... and I realized that we tend to fight like our parents did. People who were "put down" as kids by their parents tend to put down their spouse during a fight... and things like that!! My father died when I was very young, so I never really saw my mother fight with a man in that way.. (but she was a very strong woman and I did see her fight with men in general!! LOLOL) I'm sure that's why I never know what to do when I'm in a fight with a man!! (women don't bother me... only men!!)

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  • 15. Posted by 4rself@sbcglobal.net on Sat, Oct 13, 2007, 7:50 am PDT

    i WISH i HAD THIS INFO ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO. MY HUSBAND AND ARE GETTING DIVORCED DUE TO THIS AND MANY OTHER THING. i PLAN TO USE THIS IN THE FUTURE. gOOD INFO...

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