I just met Nancy Slotnick, author of Turn Your Cablight On: Get Your Dream Man in 6 Months or Less. She made a trip to the Berman Center for a DVD series we're taping and had some great advice for the single women out there.

The main theme of her book -- and her catchy metaphor -- is that if you want to find love, you've got to turn on your charm and your availability to attract it. Nancy says that when she hears women (and men) complain that they haven't found love, her response is: what have you done to bring love into your life?

• Spend 15 hours a week putting yourself out there. Many people instinctively balk at this number, but if you think about the time you spend pursuing other interests, your search for love should get the same effort. Plus, once you're in a relationship, you'll be spending at least this amount of time together. Go to coffee shops, take a new class, or do some online dating! 
  
  
• Let him do the chasing. It's controversial and seems anti-feminist, but Nancy believes that it's the men who should be doing the calling and date planning-initially. She's quick to stress that she doesn't believe in playing hard to get or listening to The Rules. She just thinks that men who are truly interested and serious about a woman will make the effort to pursue in the beginning of the relationship. It's a way to separate the wheat from the chaff. So relax and follow his lead initially.
  
  
• Don't play hard to get, be hard to get. Nancy says, and I agree, that love comes knocking when you are busy with your own life. You've got to keep your cablight on, but don't wait around or put your life on hold until you have a man. You never know who you might meet simply by living your life.
  
  
• Sex doesn't equal a relationship. If you decide to do it, you can't assume he's going to commit. Make your boundaries clear before you get into the bedroom. A long explanation isn't necessary. Just say, "I'm not comfortable having sex unless I'm in an exclusive relationship." That's it. The ball is in his court.

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The bottom line is that singles need to make finding a mate a priority, while not taking it all so seriously. Make yourself friendly and approachable with a smile. Practice on people you're not romantically interested in. Flirt and flirt some more.

In fact, get started right now and post a flirt or send a loving email to your mate!

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