Get Him to Open Up By David Zinczenko - Posted Fri, Feb 15, 2008, 2:17 pm PST

1. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Sat, Feb 16, 2008, 10:07 am PST

i am gurpreet kaur gill how r u

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2. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Sat, Feb 16, 2008, 1:27 pm PST

Generally here, you're assuming the couple is married or at least living together and in a serious relationship. Not very helpful for daters. The 'Ask for His Help' section is actually true; most guys make this mistake. Women want to be sympathized with and acknowledged, not necessarily fixed. The advice for talking right after sex is spot on...that's a great time for deep conversation, if you can get past the fact that the male partner might fall asleep!

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3. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 7:01 am PST

Oh so true... I don't know how many times my GF has come to me to talk about a problem of hers and after listening to her I offer some sort of advice on how she might fix it. Then an argument insues where I am told I didn't listen to anything she said.

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4. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 7:16 am PST

some of the things said were helpful.I'll try them maybe i'll get more out of it trying it your wayas oppose to being on the defense goimg into the conversation

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5. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 8:09 am PST

Your suggestions are good and I can relate to the thoughts expressed. Here's a 'but'.... sometimes there are urgent or time constrained things to talk over. Waitng til the weekend could be stressful.

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6. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 8:12 am PST

Are you kidding! I am a woman and I do not like to talk in the morning; I do not like to talk on the phone; I certainly can't talk when I am driving because I live in a crazy city where anyone can get a drivers license; I hate my cell phone, oh, and don't call me on it unless it is an emergency; I don't like to talk during sex or a movie, so what am I suppose to do??? Talk when it's necessary and I don't care when that is, and he will just have to deal with it...ok, I've said enough...lol.

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7. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 8:22 am PST

The "you're not listening to me" response isn't limited to men. I've talked to more females who give you the impression they're not paying attention.

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8. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 8:25 am PST

"Save Heavy Convos for the Car" Sooo very wrong. My wife does this and it drives me crazy. Everytime we are driving a long way, usually to some important occasion, all the issues come out and by the time we get there, whatever the occasion was about is either overshadowed by a heavy conversation, or ruined by an argument...and, by the way, when you have an argument in the car, and you reach an impasse, neither person can do anything but stew the whole rest of the trip in stony silence. It's a nightmare.

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9. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 8:39 am PST

It is a great article -- men mature slower then women strugling with every thing from building a career making a financial safety net to stablishing ..then frieght of rejection that goes in making the move in asking some out whom they get attracted to being afraid to get suckerd in it is not only women gets heart every time or get used men too get their equal share at least if not then more..then speaking off the collar does not make sense if they are told you are not listning..

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10. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 8:55 am PST

Not bad, however, do not save heavy conversation subjects for the car while driving. If the person driving becomes upset they take out the frustration on the car and unfortunately other traffic. I suggest an advance warning. Incorporate the fix it perspective and add serious with I need you. Example "Honey, I have a serious problem and I need some time to discuss it with you. It is really bothering me and I really need your help." Curiosity and the need to help the loved one as well as a thought it may effect the relationship will motivate him to talk. The open schedule time or talk later gives him an oppertunity to think about what is up, and prepare mentally for the talk. Many is the time I have seen a guy driving and talking with anger or enthusiasm with his wife or girlfriend, waving his arms around, looking at her and not at traffic. As well as driving erraticlly, taking out the frustrations on traffic. So, Keep it stationary, it is safer.

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11. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 9:04 am PST

JAMES I think I love you!

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12. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 9:05 am PST

All good insight both in article and comments. I would however emphasize that talking after sex or in the car is a bad idea. After sex I believe most men such as myself would just like to relax and sleep and not be riled up in some heated discussion. In the car is dangerous as the emotions can be acted out in driving behavior and possibly leading to an accident. In addition as one commentor pointed out both parties are trapped in the car for the duration of the trip to stew and sometimes after a heated discussion or argument you need to pull yourself away to digest what just happened as well as reflect on your own behavior instead of being on the "defensive mode".

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13. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 9:06 am PST

Well, I thought this would be great to email to some of the gals I have been involved with. TILL I READ IT! I don't ever want to be cornered in a car for that type of conversation "the direction our relationship is heading. That would NOT be a good time! I'm a MAN HEAR ME ROAR! Gals not good advice!

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14. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 9:19 am PST

THANK GOD! I see we all agree! Men and women! BAD ADVICE!

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15. Posted by A Yahoo! Health User on Tue, Feb 19, 2008, 9:32 am PST

Men to be told their ideas and opions are valueable first. They need to believe it because in the past the woman has heard them and things worked out better because of his imput. Otherwise women in general should keep the intense, serious deep conversations with someone who does care like a pastor-physciatrist or close family member. If men in relationships want to be in the middle of " your personal problems " they are probably not ambitious enough and have too much time on their hands. In General Give the Best Friend/Buddy/ Lover a break and keep it fun and interesting regardless of your "need to be heard..." He will let you know when he wants to get deeper - He will make time for you.... LOL

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