Before I start, I do realize and have been told that I deserve all I got, but to answer ur question about cheaters...I came to care very deeply for a man that I thought was the kindest, loving, caring and actually honorable man I ever met. For the two years we were together I believed every word he said when he would tell me that he was in a marriage where love had run dry and he was not just a cheater. He didn't want to ever leave and hurt his wife and children and I accepted that. I stayed with him and rearranged my life around his schedule for so long because I truly believed him when he told me how much he cared about me. After about 1 1/2 years he and his wife agreed to separate for their own reasons (having nothing to do with me.) This scared me to death, because I knew it would be the end of us. I continued to ask myself...do cheaters ever change? could I ever trust him? Would he leave me now that he was single? Was I only there because I accomodated a hectic married man's schedule and made it easier for him to get away with it?
Not only did I ask myself this, I asked him these same questions over and over, as I noticed our relationship changing over the next six months. He was always aggitated with me, cold, and never spent any time with me. I should have known but he did everything possible to convince me that this was all just due to stress and would eventually get better. He also made me believe that alot of it was just my imagination and insecurity issues that I needed to resolve for us to be together. I answered the question, just cause he cheated once on one person doesn't mean he can't be trusted at all. Besides, I didn't want him to be saddled down to another serious relationship with me right away. But I told him I needed to know if there was someone else. I believed him all the times he told me there wasn't. I endured the daily verbal lashings, and bent over backwards trying to give him the trust and space that he needed and deserved because I knew he would never intentionally hurt me. He cared so much for me and he was my best friend. He knew that by falsely leading me to believe that he cared for me would destroy me.
And that's exactly what happened to me when he very coldly ended it with me. He showed feelings of indifference over my hurt. He just told me I was crazy for being hurt and glad to be rid of me.
I soon found out that definitely for the six months after he separated and i think for most of the two years we were together he was building a real relationship with a college student. I haven't been the same for over a year now. I thought it was me.
Until recently one day, I discovered him on a few dating sites. So i posted a profile without my picture and contacted him. we chatted and flirted back and forth, got on very well, and had plans of meeting up (until I tiold him who i was) and when i asked him about having a girlfriend, he explained that he was single. After the initial turmoil of telling him who i was, we ended up hanging out at his apartment one night. One thing led to another and we ended up in bed. This is where he decided to mention that he was dating someone and has been for quite some time. This next statement he did not tell me, but I happen to know for a fact... that this is the same girl that he was dating while he was with me.
He has set nights that he spends with her, cause she works as a waitress nights, and on the nights she works he is on the internet searching for, dating, sleeping with, or forming relationship. I imagine that she isn't aware of any of this, just as his wife wasn't...just as I wasn't, just as the women on the dating site aren't.
So, "Can cheaters change?"...Maybe some can, but a cheater has a basic propensity to lie and tends to master his/her craft, so you don't know if they changed until it's far too late. It's probably a safer bet that a non cheater will cheat than a cheater to r
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