We learn to love by observing our parents, who may or may not have been good at it. Whatever their skill level, we cannot hold them too accountable, for they were merely passing on what they learned about love from their parents.
It is only when we are willing to consciously ask ourselves, “How can I be more loving?” that we go beyond our conditioning and expand our capacity to love.
Ayurveda offers the concept of ama, which implies incompletely digested experiences from the past. "Leftovers" remain with us in the present, dragging us back into old patterns. Whether ama is the result of too much saturated fat in our diet that is now obstructing our blood vessels, or leftover emotional pain from a prior relationship that keeps us from loving freely in a current one, residues of the past inhibit our ability to fully enjoy the present. Ayurveda, therefore, calls upon us to identify, mobilize, digest and eliminate ama, so our past does not encroach on our present.
Listen to your heart for where you are living in emotional bondage. If you notice that you are carrying resentment, regret, hostility or grievance, ask yourself whether this emotional ama is serving you. If you decide that it isn’t, make the commitment to release it from your body and mind.
Journaling can be a helpful tool to bring the painful love story into conscious awareness, enabling you to consciously write the next chapter. Once you become aware of the repetitive tale you are telling yourself, share it with someone who can listen without judgment – a therapist, good friend, or family member. Then engage in some ritual of release – pound a pillow, dance in a frenzy, throw a tantrum, toss rocks in the ocean. Do something physical with the intention of relinquishing the toxic emotions and stories that imprison your heart.
Then make the commitment to be more open to giving and receiving love through the conscious use of attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. The beauty of love is that in giving it away, you are left with more than you had before.
