I’m a big believer in goals, but I’ve found that we often mess ourselves up by thinking that if only we had enough willpower, we could finally lose those last 5 pounds, or finally stick to an exercise routine, or finally do whatever it is we’ve been beating ourselves up for not doing.

The problem with willpower is that it’s all about deprivation. And when you deprive yourself, there’s bound to be a backlash like sabotaging your diet (hello, Ben and Jerry!), which ends up making us feel bad about ourselves and leads to yet more self destructive behavior and—you get the picture.

That’s why I focus on moving toward something positive. You should too by following these guidelines to feel more inspired and less overwhelmed, and accomplish what you set out to do.

• Set short-, medium- and long-term goals, then match your goal to your time frame. We’d all like to be 10 pounds thinner by tomorrow, but it makes more sense to set a doable challenge within a realistic time frame so you can actually be successful!
  
• Repeat this mantra, “all in good time,” if you’re feeling down on yourself for not getting to whatever it is you’ve vowed you’ll get to.
  
• Break your goal down into smaller steps, and before you know it, you’ll be back on track, not to mention feeling good about yourself again.
  
• Make sure your goals are viable by running them by a friend for a reality check. Consider this study: People who have realistic expectations (“I’d like to buy my first home within the next five years”) versus pie-in-the-sky dreams (“I’d like to get rich and retire by age 30”) tend to feel more content, according to research from the University of California in Los Angeles.

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