While we waited for the test results, I asked her, did she want to have a baby? "Well," she replied, "I haven't really thought about it." Nor had she thought about using a condom every time, or taking the pill. She was going to let whatever was going to happen, happen.
I pressed her. "You know," I said, "There's a very good chance that you'll become pregnant if you have sex without protection. You're really choosing to become pregnant. You have a right to do that, of course, but don't kid yourself. You're making a decision, whichever way you go." We talked about what she'd do if the test came back positive. Up to that point, she hadn't thought that far in advance.
Thinking about this girl brings other patients to mind. There's the 18 year-old who tried to commit suicide, then showed up two months later with morning sickness and a firm determination to have the baby. I think the baby gave her a reason to go on living.
Then there's the mother, also deeply depressed, who had named her baby after the father. But the father hadn't talked to her for nearly a year, ever since the pregnancy began to show. Now the mother claimed that he didn't mean anything to her, nothing at all. The baby was in the hospital because the mother had stopped feeding her.
One of my patients is a 17 year-old girl who is raising her daughter with the help of her mother; the father is in jail. The baby is doing great, and the mom is growing up fast. Between the baby and trying to finish school, she doesn't get to see her friends much.
Another patient is a 16 year-old boy. His girlfriend had gotten pregnant a couple of months before, and had chosen to have an abortion. His religion forbade it. He wants to stay with her, but his feelings have changed. Now, everything she does makes him angry.
These stories represent some of the realities of unplanned pregnancy. They aren't nearly as much fun as the movies Juno or Knocked Up, Hollywood's latest offerings on the topic. In Juno, a very likable girl gets pregnant by a very likable boy, and decides to put the baby up for adoption. The boy and girl go through a rough spot in their relationship, but in the end their friendship continues as before, almost as though nothing had happened.
There is one moment, just after the baby is born, when the girl looks sad. Many mothers who have given up babies talk about persistent longings and regrets. This one moment in the film gives the only hint of what reality might bring.
In Knocked Up, the mother is intelligent, beautiful, and ambitious; the father is a pot-smoking slacker. But, by the end of the film, he has gotten a job, rented a nice apartment, and fixed up the nursery. This, of course, is fantasy. In reality, many men refuse to be transformed by fatherhood; instead, they continue in their slacker ways, or they simply disappear.
You can't blame Hollywood for giving us the fantasies we want, but teens need to make decisions based on reality. Juno and Knocked Up are really funny movies. Enjoy them with your children, then talk about them.
