Mess is a scary concept for parents. Mess means more to clean, more to organize, less control, ruining clothes, and omigosh the house is a wreck again! But mess also means childish abandon, the innocence of imagination, freedom from worry and a chance to express yourself. The upsides of making messes mean that, as parents, we might have to give up a little bit of control.

Parent/Caregiver Fears

It forever makes me laugh that my husband, a chef used to cleaning out animal guts and de-boning fish, was terrified at the sight of lingering Play Dough around our house. My daughters and I came up with the affectionate name Play Dough Buster to tease him about his reaction.

The truth is, many parents are quite reluctant to let their children engage in messy play or even messy eating. I know one woman who literally spoon fed her baby, wiping the child's mouth after each bite to control the mess that would ensue if the child got to feed herself. While Mom wanted to decrease the amount of household laundry, this child never got to explore the textures and experience of feeding herself as a baby.

Some parents equate messy play with chaos. They wonder what the child is actually getting out of what looks like aimless, endless, ongoing activity.

Other parents have concerns about how their messy child looks to others. They feel embarrassed about the messy paint all over their child's clothes and the magic marker "tattoos" all over his hands.

One study found that 62% of parents were worried about being seen as a bad parent if their child was in messy clothes. Even caregivers worry if the child's clothes are permanently stained from messy play. What will the parents say? Will they think the babysitter isn't doing her job?

The fears can be so strong that they get communicated to the child. In fact, other research shows that 33 percent of children don't engage in messy play because they're worried about getting dirty.

The Importance of the Mess

Mess aside, the reality is that messy play is good for your child's development. Through unrestricted play with materials like Play Dough, mud, paint, clay, water, sand, cooking materials, and more, your child will:

• Learn through play
• Develop tactile learning, or learning through touching the materials around him
• Develop cause and effect learning (i.e., if I mix the blue paint with the red paint it turns purple)
• Engage her senses in the learning process
• Enhance his creativity
• Express her imagination by acting out what she wishes for
• Manipulate materials
• Develop social skills as she makes a mess with their friends!
• Develop emotionally as he learns to share feelings about the experience
• Develop communication skills as he talks about their experience with the mess (and kids love to talk about the drama of the mess!)
• Develop kinesthetic learning, or learning through movement
• Develop physically as she learns to move objects and match things up

Getting Started

Knowing the importance of messy play is a great motivator. So, roll up your sleeves and get messy with your child. While messy play helps kids get lost in their imaginations, it's even better when you, the parent, are in it with them, playing as well. What were the messy things you liked to do as a child? Maybe that's the first activity to organize.

Some messy things to do with your kids:

• Cook Together
  Cooking may involve a formal recipe like making cupcakes or simply mixing ingredients like flour, eggs, and water that are fun to watch and mix. My daughters love to make such concoctions as a surprise for their dad when he gets home from work late. I leave them in the fridge and he pours them out when he gets home, showing them the empty bowl in the morning and sharing how much he enjoyed their creation!
  
• Make Play Dough
  Ingredients: 1 cup flour, 1 cup warm water, 2 teaspoons cream of tartar, 1 teaspoon oil, ¼ cup salt, food coloring. Mix the ingredients. Then add the food coloring. Stir over medium heat. Take off the heat when smooth. Store in a plastic bag after cooling.
  
• Break Out the Paints
  Finger paints, watercolors, brush paints -- see what your child creates!
  
• Blow Bubbles
  Have fun making bubbles in the bath, your kitchen, or outdoors. Children delight in watching the bubbles grow, trying to catch them, and watching them pop.
  
• Get Gluing
  The stickier the better. It's fun to glue objects together, create new structures, and feel the texture of goopy glue throughout the process.

Cleaning Up

Messy can be contained, and that's the first, and easiest, step to make cleaning a breeze. Put out a plastic table cloth to paint on, and when you're all done, just wrap everything up and throw it in the trash. Or, keep messy activities outside so when you're finished you can clean up with a spray of the hose.

Keep mess off of good clothes by having some craft costumes for them to change into. Part of the fun of being messy is not having to worry, so anything you might worry about should be taken out of the play zone, including good clothes.

Finally, get your child to help with the clean up. You can sing the Clean Up Time song as you work together ("Clean up time, Clean up time, Time to put the toys away, Clean up time, Clean up time, Time to put the toys away. Clean up, Clean up, Everybody, Everywhere. Clean up, Clean up, Everybody do their Share"). Cleaning up together means your child gets to take responsibility in putting the mess away.

Positive Feedback

As a new mom, I'll never forget the September Saturday I had with my 14-month-old. The day started at our annual neighborhood block party. Covered with smeared brownies, my daughter and I continued to the sand playground in Central Park. The chocolate I hadn't wiped off quickly became covered with sand. As we trudged home late in the afternoon, the steel drum band encouraged us to make a final stop at the block party. My daughter started to dance, looking like a complete, goopy mess. As we finally started to make our way home, a mom and fellow neighbor said, "You're a good mom to let her get so messy--you can tell she had fun today."

Mess is the best!

------------------------------------------------------------- Caroline S. Clauss-Ehlers, Ph.D., is a nationally known counseling psychologist and an assistant professor of counseling psychology at Rutgers University Graduate School of Education. She is an expert for the Pampers Parenting Institute and maintains a private practice in Manhattan, which is also where she lives with her husband and two daughters, ages 4 and 2.