I have become an expert at teen girl-speak, after many years with teen girls, friends of teen girls, and church youth group teens. For example, when I ask my teen girl if she'd like to go see a movie with me, and she says, "I don't know", this actually means "Heck no."

If two girls have an argument, neither friend can actually tell the other what has offended them; they must go through neutral friends who explain the offense to each other. Then they can apologize and make up without confronting each other with those nasty, angry feelings.

"Speak up!" I tell my daughters. Just tell people what you really mean. How hard is it to speak plainly and bluntly to each other? It's our society's fault: Girls are expected to be so nice that they can't stand up for themselves. They're afraid to show someone those behaviors that are not feminine (anger, assertiveness, confrontation) even when they are right. But if I was teaching my girls to be strong, independent women, how did this happen to my children?

A few weeks ago my oldest daughter and her friend stood with me in a toy store line that wrapped around two aisles. We inched our way up to the one cashier, sighing at the wait. As we were about to check out, a cashier came to the next station, looked us in the eye, and said, "I can take the next customer in line."

But just as we stepped out of line, we were cut off by a guy who leaped from the back of the line to get to the open register. My girls huffed and rolled their eyes. "How does he think he's the next in line?" Jessie muttered. I could see his eyes flicker back to us. Kim pointed to his Green Bay Packers jacket, and continued in the same tone, "Maybe they have different rules up in Wisconsin."

He shifted from foot to foot as the girls giggled at him. "That's not nice," I said. "Besides, he must be in a bigger hurry than we are." This time he glanced right at us, knowing we were talking and laughing at him. He finished his transaction and rushed out the door.

That's when I realized that we three girls had an opportunity to handle the situation directly, and none of us had acted appropriately. We had all felt uneasy about politely asking for our place in line, and instead had made the guy feel uncomfortable. Even I, the powerful adult woman, didn't speak up!

The following week I was next in line at a customer service desk. I saw a girl approach the desk, and when the salesperson was free, she stepped forward. "Excuse me," I said with a smile, "I'm the next person in line." She apologized and stepped aside.

I only wish my girls had been with me.

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Angela Williams Duea is a mostly-sane freelance writer and mom of teens. She specializes in Extreme Parenting and Teen Management. She lives in the Chicagoland area with her superhero husband, Joe. Read more at AngelaWD and Pearl Writing Services.