It's amazing how different I feel compared to a month ago. I have come a long way since my last blog entry.
It just goes to show that feelings, both good and bad, pass. The hardest part about feeling bad is waiting it out until things turn around -- but they always do. A huge part of my weight loss success has been about not quitting before the miracle happens: forging ahead despite not seeing results, despite the fact that the scale was not moving, and despite setbacks.
In November of 2006, when I was about 10 lbs away from reaching my goal weight (after losing over 40 lbs without dieting and depriving myself), I stupidly decided to start dieting, restricting, and controlling everything that went into my mouth and how often I exercised. I became obsessed with perfection and trying to get to a destination somewhere in the near future. I kept thinking to myself, "If I can only reach my goal... when I get there, then I will be happy... then I can enjoy my life.... then I will be complete."
Through my journey over the last two years, there are certain theories that I have proven, the first being that thinness doesn't guarantee happiness. Another theory that I have proven to myself many times in the last year, is that for every restrictive diet there is a binge waiting around the corner.
The basic fact is this: I lost weight eating all different types of food. And yes, I lost weight eating cake. The reason I was successful at losing weight, eating everything that I wanted to (within reason and measured out in proper portions), is because I was accountable and responsible to myself.
I lost 50 lbs, give or take. My weight fluctuates within a 5 to 7 pound range. I am human. I can gain and lose a few pounds here and there.
I followed the Weight Watchers Points System. Weight Watchers is not a diet; it is a lifestyle choice that includes any and every type of food. I don't think I could have lost the weight if it involved strict rules or banned certain food groups. Restricting always leads to binging.
In the seven months that it took me to lose the majority of my weight (40 lbs), when I didn't diet and I didn't restrict, I also didn't binge. The irony of the situation is that I am still 10lbs away from my goal weight. And maybe that is where my weight falls naturally.
I spent the last year, until recently, constantly thinking about what I did or didn't do or what I could or couldn't do. This attitude was not only keeping me in a constant state of anxiety, it was also causing me to completely miss out on my life. I was miserable.
How can I be satisfied if I am not conscious, present and mindful of what I am doing right here and now? For the first time since embarking on my weight loss (which has resulted in a health and lifestyle change), I have come to a place of peace and understanding, an internal acceptance that I have never really had before.
The recent better self-acceptance, and greater peace of mind, is a result of making a decision. I decided this past January that I was going to do something completely foreign to me: I was going to be content where I was.
I am no longer going to let "feeling fat" or "feeling thin" be the determining factor in my life and the controller of my actions. I am no longer going to let my weight define my daily mood or gauge how I am going to participate in the world today.
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Micaela was born and raised in New York City. She has always loved to write and has been doing it all her life. In 2006, Micaela embarked on a 50-pound weight loss journey and lifestyle change. Currently maintaining that weight loss, she makes it a point to be the best person that she can be every day. In her spare time she enjoys hiking, running, people watching, time with family and friends, reading and giving back to her community.
