Just when you think your marriage is in on-the-rocks... you also learn that you have breast cancer. Feel like your life has gone to hell in a hand basket? Sure, of course you do. And did you know that a combination of a troubled marriage and breast cancer can result in a woman not doing as well with her cancer as those who are in secure, stable relationships?
It's true. A recent study published in the journal Cancer confirmed this. Researchers found that women in troubled marriages had higher levels of stress, were less physically active, experienced slower recoveries, and had more symptoms and signs of illness than women who reported good marriages. These results held true even when the data were adjusted for the stage of disease. Wow.
The underlying cause of all this? Stress. Your life was already filled with anxiety trying to make the marriage better or finding a way to bring it to a close. Then you add another huge stress factor—a diagnosis of breast cancer—and that can tip the scales further against you.
Is the solution for you to make up with hubby and pretend that life with him is good? No. Actually, increasing your exercise quota by tossing his belongings out of the second-story bedroom window and onto the street might make you feel better. I'm half joking, but seeking out a good psychotherapist would probably be a wise move on your part.
The Breast Center where you are receiving your care should be able to put you in contact with someone they've worked with regularly who not only knows the ins and outs of breast cancer treatment but has also dealt with a lot of dysfunctional families.
You owe it to yourself to do this: When you look back on all this a year from now, you want to achieved the best possible outcome, both clinically (your health) and emotionally (your relationships).
I had a patient say to me, "I can't believe this has happened. My husband is leaving me for another woman just when I told him I had breast cancer." My response? I told her that he clearly has been playing in somebody else's sandbox for some time and chances are he didn't just find this bimbo last week and coincidentally decide to move in with her when you came down with breast cancer.
I also told her, "A year from now, when you look back on all this, I hope you can say to me, ‘Boy, am I glad I got breast cancer—if it, in any way, contributed to my getting that SOB out of my life!'"