By turning a bad childhood into a good read, namely a memoir called Stealing Love Confessions of a Dognapper, Mary was able to make peace with her past and find the love she'd always been seeking.
Mary's Story
"If I don't do it I will never forgive myself."
As a journalist, for 20 years I've been writing other peoples stories. And, finally, I got to the point where I realized, I had my own story to tell. I knew that if I didn't sit down and do it, I would never forgive myself.
"Growing up I had to steal love in bits and pieces."
When I was four years old my mother was committed to a mental hospital for depression. Instead of staying there for a short time she stayed there for about 10 years. It had a devastating influence on me.
"I felt like an orphan and there was nothing I could do about it."
It felt as if my mother was in a prison. I couldn't rescue her and I couldn't rescue myself. Later, any time I would get emotional my father would tell me to stop otherwise he said I was going to end up like my mother. And the truth is I was very much like my mother. We both had red hair. We were both very sensitive.
By the time my mother was released from the hospital, she was a stranger to me and I refused to accept her back into my life. In my mind, she had abandoned me. I treated her quite insensitively. I didn't realize until many years had passed that she'd been this good and giving parent all along. She just wasn't given the opportunity to be a parent because of this primitive psychology we had at the time that institutionalized people.
"I realized I'd inherited depression from my mother."
Recently, at the suggestion of my psychologist, I started taking an anti-depressant and it has changed my internal life in such a major way. I realized that I probably did inherit a depression gene from my mother after all. Something I fought against all my life. Now that I realize the benefits of medication it really doesn't matter that I have the same symptoms as my mother.
"I was able to ask for forgiveness."
In the months before my mother died, I was able to ask for her forgiveness. She said no apology was needed. She made me realize that she'd been right there the entire time. She showed me what love and giving was all about. She said her greatest regret was that I wasn't able to recognize my own worth. She wished I saw in me what she saw. So, although I was never able to rescue my mother, in a sense, she rescued me.
By writing [my memoirs], I feel like I have moved on from my past. Writing can be an amazing healing process, even if it is just journaling. It's not as if I will ever forget those deep, dark places, but I feel like I have flown the coop. I'm ready for a new story.
