Depression: Supporting someone who is depressed

Introduction

If someone you care about has been diagnosed with depression, you may feel helpless. Maybe you're watching a once-vibrant person slide into inactivity or seeing a good friend lose interest in activities that he or she used to enjoy. The change in your loved one's or friend's behavior may be so great that you feel you no longer know him or her.

You probably want to help in some way. This Actionset will give you the tools to do so.

Key points

• Depression is a disease. It's not being lazy, and you can't "just get over it."
• The best thing you can do for someone who is depressed is to help him or her start or continue treatment.
• Offer support. You can do this by understanding what depression is, being patient, and offering help.
• Don't ignore talk about suicide. Talk to a doctor, or call 911 or emergency help if needed.
• Reassure the person that he or she will get better with the right kind of treatment. Treatment depends on how severe the depression is and includes medicine, counseling, self-care, or a combination of these.

 What is depression?
 Why is it important to support someone who is depressed?
 How can you help someone who is depressed?
 Where to go from here

Return to topic:

What is depression?

Depression is a disease. It's caused by changes in the chemicals in the brain. Depression isn't a character flaw, and it doesn't mean that the person is bad or weak. It doesn't mean that he or she is going crazy.

Depression causes a person to feel sad and hopeless much of the time. It's different from normal feelings of sadness, grief, or low energy. The person may lose interest in daily activities and may feel sad and grouchy for a long time.

Many people don't get help because they are embarrassed or think that they'll get over depression on their own. But most people need treatment to get better.

Treatment depends on how severe the depression is and includes medicine, counseling, self-care, or a combination of these. Sometimes a person has to try several types of treatment before finding one that works. Most people feel better in 1 to 3 weeks, but it can take as many as 6 to 8 weeks for treatment to work as well as it can.

Depression is common. Men and women of all ages, ethnic groups, and economic groups can have it. It often runs in families. But it also can happen to someone who doesn't have a family history of depression. A person can have depression one time or many times.

Test Your Knowledge

1. Depression is a disease, just like asthma is a disease.
1. True
   

   The answer is correct

   Depression is a disease. It's caused by changes in the chemicals in the brain. It's not a character flaw, and it doesn't mean that the person is bad or weak or going crazy.

   
2. False
   

   The answer is incorrect

   Depression is a disease. It's caused by changes in the chemicals in the brain. It's not a character flaw, and it doesn't mean that the person is bad or weak or going crazy.

   

Continue to Why is it important to support someone who is depressed?
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Why is it important to support someone who is depressed?

If you've never been depressed, it's hard to understand just how hopeless and discouraged depression can make you feel. Depression can upset your life as much as other major illnesses, and it can make it hard to take care of family, work, and social duties.

Supporting someone with depression is important because it can:

• Help the person continue treatment. This is the best thing that can happen.
• Boost the person's self-esteem and self-confidence. This helps the person deal better with family, work, school, and daily life.
• Show the person that he or she has a friend. Friendship can show the person that he or she is not alone.

Test Your Knowledge

1. Helping someone with depression is important because:
1. It may help the person stay in treatment.
   

   The answer is correct

   Most people need treatment to recover from depression. If your help gives the person a reason to continue treatment, you've done the best possible thing.

   
2. It makes you feel good about yourself.
   

   The answer is incorrect

   You want to help because most people need treatment. If your help gives the person a reason to continue treatment, you've done the best possible thing.

   

Continue to How can you help someone who is depressed?
Return to Depression: Supporting someone who is depressed

How can you help someone who is depressed?

Here are some things you can do to help:

Educate yourself

The more you know about depression, the better you can understand what the person is going through.

• Know what is true about depression, and know the myths about depression.
• Know the warning signs of suicide, such as talking a lot about death or giving things away and writing a will. If you notice them, call the doctor.
• Call 911 or emergency help if you think:
  • The person is going to harm himself or herself or others. For example, the person has a written plan or a weapon, or is saving (stockpiling) medicines.
  • The person is hearing or seeing things that are not real.
  • The person seems to be thinking or speaking in a bizarre way that is unlike his or her usual behavior.

Help with professional treatment

If you have permission, you can:

• Help the person set up and get to visits with a doctor or other health professional.
• Help the person manage medicines.
• Know the side effects of medicines and contact the doctor if needed.
• Remind the person with depression that medicine is important and that the dose or medicine can be changed to reduce or get rid of side effects.

Home support

A person with depression may feel alone in the world. Your support can help.

• Listen when the person wants to talk. If you're there to help the person talk things through, it may help the person feel better or continue treatment.
• Avoid giving advice. But gently point out that not everything is bad, and offer hope. Urge the person to continue treatment. Don't tell the person that he or she is lazy or should be able to get over it.
• Keep your relationship as normal as you can, but don't pretend that depression doesn't exist or that there isn't a problem.
• Ask the person to do things with you, such as go for walks or to a movie, and encourage the person to continue with favorite activities. If the person says no, then that's okay. But be sure to ask again in the future. Don't push too much, which may make the person feel worse.
• Ask what you can do to help in daily life. You might help with housework or lawn care, getting the kids to school, or running errands.
• Don't be offended. If you are a spouse or are very close to someone, you may feel hurt because the person isn't paying attention to you and may seem angry or uncaring. Remember that your loved one still cares for you but just isn't able to show it.

Take care of yourself

Spending a lot of time with someone who has depression may be hard on you too. These caregiver tips can help:

• Take care of yourself first. Do things you enjoy, such as seeing family or going to movies.
• Don't help too much. A common mistake caregivers make is providing too much care. Even if they don't admit it, people like to help themselves. Take some time off.
• Don't do it alone. Ask others to help you, or join a support group. The more support you have, the more help you can give to the person.

For more information, see the topic Caregiver Tips.

Test Your Knowledge

1. A way to help someone with depression is:
1. Tell the person to face up to things and get normal.
   

   The answer is incorrect

   Most people cannot get better on their own. The correct answers are b and c. Listening and helping the person with tasks of daily life can help.

   
2. Listen and give support, but also point out that not everything is bad.
   

   The answer is correct

   Both b and c are correct. Both listening and helping the person with tasks of daily life can help.

   
3. Help out around the house. Someone who is depressed may not have energy, so running errands or doing some housework can help the person.
   

   The answer is correct

   Both b and c are correct. Both listening and helping the person with tasks of daily life can help.

   
2. You need to do everything possible and put your life on hold to help a person with depression.
1. True
   

   The answer is incorrect

   Help as much as you can, but you also need time for yourself. Take some time off to see other people and do things you enjoy. Join a support group if that helps you.

   
2. False
   

   The answer is correct

   Help as much as you can, but you also need time for yourself. Take some time off to see other people and do things you enjoy. Join a support group if that helps you.

   

Continue to Where to go from here
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Where to go from here

Now that you have read this information, you are better prepared to help someone with depression.

Some medicines for depression have side effects that cause people to stop taking them. For help in managing any side effects of these medicines, see:

Depression: Dealing with medicine side effects.

Depression: Taking antidepressants safely.

If you would like more information on depression, the following resource is available:

Organization

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