Amanda donned a headscarf for the first time in middle school, but after Sept. 11, and the threats against Muslims that came with it, she uncovered a new way to represent her culture.
Amanda's Story
"I decided to cover my hair and wear hijab to represent my culture."
Covering my hair was a really big transition because nobody knew that I was Muslim. Everyone was confused because I look white and I look American, but I am really Lebanese. My family respected my decision, like "Nobody told you to do this, nobody made you, you chose to do this on your own. You are an amazing person."
The hijab in Arabic means modesty so it wasn't just covering my hair. It was also covering my arms, my legs and my chest. It was a physical way to represent who I am because I can't do it just by my looks, a way to communicate with people and tell them who I was both verbally and non-verbally. It was really empowering because people would approach me and say you don't look Muslim tell us about yourself, tell us about your religion.
"Then September 11th happened."
My father asked me to take off hijab so I wouldn't become a target. He came to me and said, "Amanda, I understand why you are wearing it, but right now might not be a good time because there is a lot of misconception of Islam. I don't want you to become a target, I don't want you to be attacked, so it would be safer for you -- which is most important, your safety, your well being -- than to just represent something." I took it off in the middle of my freshman year in high school.
"It was like jumping into cold water not knowing what the temperature was."
I couldn't leave the house; it took them an hour to get me out of the house without it on. Then I came to school the day after September 11th with my hair showing and people were just in shock. I was in shock. Everyone knew me as this little white Muslim girl. Most people understood why, they just thought it was a horrible thing to be put in that position. A lot of people were like, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry you had to do that."
"I still can represent my culture without hijab."
It's been five years and I still don't wear it. I dress modestly, I don't do the whole mini-skirt thing, I don't show off my assets or whatever. Putting it back on right now would be really hard because I have a different way of life. You have to put yourself in a certain mindset when you commit to wearing hijab, so until then I can represent my culture in ways that are more aligned with where my life is right now.
