The color of her skin has never dictated the way Zoe presents herself to the world. Her sense of personal style is just not that black and white.
Zoe's Story
"The first time someone referred to me as 'that black girl' I was stunned."
Up until college, I had just sort of assumed people knew that I was bi-racial or multi-racial. I never thought of myself as black, and I definitely never thought of myself as white. So, this was a shocker. I was stunned to discover that people were talking about me in that way. I remember thinking: "Hey, this isn't 1898; we don't use the one drop rule anymore."
"I don't consciously set out to be any one particular thing."
I used to be very dorky, and in some ways I think I still am. I used to wear big glasses and enormous plaid shirts and big jeans. I mean, I know we view each other based on the decisions we make about our clothes and whatever, but I'm not really someone who bothers with that. I dress the way I want to dress. And I don't care if it's considered a black thing or white thing.
"The culture in my life, not the color of my skin, determines who I am."
I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this and sometimes it makes me cringe, but I am very old school when it comes to things like music and bars and clubs. The Foo Fighters are my favorite band. The circles I run in and the clubs I go to have nothing to do with whether I am black or white. It's more about where and how I relate. I do think that in other people's eyes, my liking the Foo Fighters makes me seem more white than black and not being up on hip hop makes me seem less black.
"A hairstylist once told me I have four different kinds of curls on my head."
A lot of mixed people used to say to me, "Oh, did you have a lot of trouble growing up with your hair because you have a white mother?" And I didn't, because my father, who is black, was the stay-at-home-dad and my mom was the breadwinner. My dad was the one who did my hair when I was little. He used to brush it out for me and usually he would just put it up in two long braids. Then puberty (and stupidity) hit. I decided to cut off all my hair and because I cut off the weight I had poof hair. It was the worst mistake I ever made. Now, I have a perm, which means I have one curl instead of four.
"Until I was by myself, I couldn't really see who I was."
Traveling abroad influenced me a lot. It was a very eye opening experience. I definitely discovered that I am a strong person. I don't need to rely on other people to be happy. I can go and eat by myself in a restaurant. I could go and see a movie by myself, which up until that point I'd never done. I think that's the best thing anyone can do when it comes to self-identity -- getting comfortable with spending time alone. Until I was by myself, I couldn't really see who I was. I had to rely on other people, and I think that ties into how susceptible I was to someone saying, "You are this or that!" Now, I'm just me.