Linda accepted her husband's all-day drinking and violent temper as a way of life until a suggestion to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting opened her eyes to her situation.
Linda's Story
"The warning signs were always there."
When I first started dating my husband, there was a negative excitement, chaos, frenzy that went with his drinking. It didn't matter what he drank, if it was there he drank it. He hid his liquor, and I was dumb enough to think that if I sent the children in the car with him that he wouldn't drink, that he'd be a responsible parent, which was so dumb. I was working and bringing up a family, and sometimes you shove things to the side because you have to focus on the task at hand.
"I was diagnosed with vasculitis and the doctors said that I had five years to live."
After getting that diagnosis, I began to think of certain changes that I needed to make in my life. My children were young, and I needed to live my life differently. I decided to try out a psychic because one of my friends was really into it, and she said there was a gray haired man causing a lot of chaos, an alcoholic. I thought about it and realized she was talking about my husband. She said, "There is a wonderful program called Alcoholics Anonymous that could change your life." The next morning I trotted off to an Al-Anon meeting and I was converted.
"I felt this tremendous freedom seeing these people that had stories similar to mine."
I realized I was living in this terrible denial. I realized there were many shoves and pushes that I discounted, and I never held him accountable for his behavior. He'd had some terrible rages with my children, such as waking them up in the middle of the night and dumping the socks on the floor and making them sort socks at four in the morning.
I started leaving informational literature lying all over. I probably had every self help book there is in the world about being a spouse of an alcoholic. I was really doing the best I could, but his drinking escalated. He was starting in the morning, his weight had dropped from 160 to 120 pounds, he was really awful.
"I told him I was taking the kids and leaving if this didn't stop."
When I confronted him, he took our 12-year-old son into our bedroom and slammed the door. He confronted our son and said, "Your mom thinks I am some crazy alcoholic." The 12-year-old said, "Dad, it is very scary when you drink. We don't like it, and it is very scary." He didn't have a drink after that day.
"The meetings made me believe in a power greater than myself."
Just knowing, trusting that someone will do for me what I can't do for myself was freeing. I found a lot of support in the Al-Anon organization. I realized it was not a disease of alcoholism, but it was a disease of people, places and things. In a sense, being married to an alcoholic changed my life for the better.
