The line between nurturing and enabling is a blurry one, especially for parents of drug-addicted children. Isabell found a way to support her son without feeding his habit by cutting him off from everything but love.
Isabell's Story
"I have no idea how my son became addicted to drugs."
My son, Joshua, is a brilliant, artistic boy. There isn't anything that he can touch that he isn't great at. Growing up, he was totally drug free, alcohol free; he was really big into the "Just Say No" campaign. It wasn't until he got into college and lived out on his own that he had a hard time. There is peer pressure, "let's just party for one night," but then the addiction begins. He started off with cocaine and went from cocaine to crystal meth. With those two drugs in particular you watch your loved one die.
"I didn't want to admit it."
When you are a mother and you have a child that has a problem, you always think that you could've done something different. For a few years that Joshua was doing drugs, I was not aware because I didn't want to be. I ignored them because I didn't want to accept the fact that my son was a drug addict. It became so blatant when he was always irritable, there was no possibility of having a conversation with him, his hygiene changed, he was always a mess. He began building a cocoon in his room, and he was trying, really, to just bury himself. He hated himself and hated everyone around him. He lived in an Alice in Wonderland reality that was a nightmare.
"He was dying, and as his mother I was watching him die."
I pushed him out of the house because I was afraid that if I didn't that he wouldn't live. That is the hardest thing I have done in my life. There wasn't a minute that didn't go by that I didn't think he was dead. I kept him a cell phone -- I didn't give him money, I didn't give him a place to stay, I didn't buy him clothes, I didn't give him anything -- but I had to know that if I called his cell phone and it wasn't "messages full" that he was alive. I needed to know that. I called him every single day and told him that I loved him and that I knew he could beat this.
"I knew if he could just get out of town, see a little bit of the world, he could escape from drugs."
My daughter was moving out of town, so I told my daughter, "He has to go with you to move you." I knew that if he could get out of town he would be without drugs for a few days and that would kind of clear him up and then he would see that there is another life besides drugs. My daughter called me on the fourth day and said, "I can't stand it." Because he was a drug addict, it was horrible to be with him. On the fifth or sixth day, he woke up from sleeping and went to the beach. His sister said he could stay one more day. That one day turned into a few more weeks, and at some point Joshua realized that he could beat it, and he did. He beat drugs.
"I have my son back."
It is a miracle, it is the most incredible feeling in the world. I know that people relapse and things like that, but I know that he is fine right now. Joshua said that my phone calls and not giving up on him meant everything. I didn't know that at the time. I just wanted to make sure it was my heart talking and that he knew I was not giving up.
"You can't give up on life."
If there's anything that I've learned about dealing with a drug addicted child, it's not to accept the abuse, not to let them steal from you, not to let them destroy your house, but most importantly don't ever give up. I don't care if they have been to rehab 20 times. Your belief in them gives them the strength to believe in themselves.
